Professor Khan ✔️(completed)

4. n a d a a m a t - regret

She wanted to shove the books down his rude throat, but she wasn't going to commit career suicide. It took her three flipping hours to go through the papers. They seemed like someone's testimonials maybe snippets from people's lives. She'd have enjoyed it. She liked reading about people and their journey. However, not when she was forced to give away three precious evenings of every week when she could have gone enjoyed a show on Netflix.

One way or another, she finished it. She looked up from her papers and for a second and her eyes were hazy with focusing on papers for so long. He was engrossed in his own heaps of papers. God, how much she was willing to give just to strangle him for putting her through this.

She picked up the manuscripts and walked over to his huge desk and almost slammed the papers. He was merely fazed by her antics. He barely glanced away from his papers to her and back to his papers. She took a long breath and tried to calm herself. God knows why he was getting on the few nerves she had left in her brain. Only if one murder was allowed, He'd be six feet under. Who in their right mind tortured someone three times a week? She hoped he'd have a good time in hell because he ain't ever getting her forgiveness for ruining her whole year. She had plans and dates with her bed and they were going to binge watch shows during her free time. There goes her free time to chill. She could almost see it disappearing in the air.

She squinted at him and he must have felt the intensity of her gaze as he looked up. Those two damn orbs of darkness. He was straight up evil. She was convinced. He insulted her for apologizing. Who does that shit? She scowled and he raised his eyebrows in confusion. Hope you go bald and all your perfect eyebrows fall off. She pulled up that fake full toothy smile. Let's just say she didn't want to look in the mirror to see the creepiness of her smile.

She wanted to take her apology back with interest. He didn't have to know that she felt bad for assuming such horrible things about him. Granted that she never tried to put herself in someone else's shoes but she always said sorry. She had never held back in apologizing. At the same time, she never dwelled more onto her mistakes than what was required for saying sorry. She couldn't afford to face the darker sides of her ownself.

"I never wanted to apologize anyways. My roommate wasn't gonna feed me for a whole week If I didn't apologize." She flipped the edge of her hijab with her hand. "So, I take my sorry back." What am I? A two year old? She was at least acting like one.

She felt another shiver ran down her legs. She wanted to blame it on the cold, but his office was warm unlike his calculating cold eyes. Just being in his vicinity rattled her. Like he could pick apart her facade skillfully layer by layer. She was taking this too personally. She felt attacked by just the way he looked. For all she knew the way she was taking this could be all in her mind.

She felt the vibration of her phone in her pocket but she ignored it. The way his features were set in calm manner it looked like his face was carved out in a stone, devoid of any emotions, it irked her like nothing else. He artistically put the pen down on the table along with the papers and leaned forward in his chair.

"The kind of character you have and the kind of high horse you are on. I wasn't expecting an apology anyways."

What the ... All she had done was harmless judging, but he was pointing finger at her as if she had sold her morals to devil.

"You don't even know me to judge me like that." Oh shit. Yup. She walked right into that.

"I suppose you solely reserve the right for that."

"I-"

"See you on Wednesday, Miss Noor."

She stood there dumbfounded as he dismissed her. Her face turning red and hot. She picked up her bag and left his freaking dark dungeon of an office.

She had put the brave face on as she walked by the students, but the humiliation was pushing her over the edge to cry. The phone kept vibrating in her pocket but she couldn't care less about it. She could hardly wait for the bus and she was not in the state to even board it with so many people. She skipped it and started to walk as the dimness of the dusk started to fall on the city. The sun hiding behind the mountains.

Guilt. Humiliation. Anxiety.

Her mind was swirling with all three and much more. She was supposed to be a nice person. The bitterness that she was running from was following her. You're worthless. She judged him for the ink that adorned his body, but nobody knew that she had ink of her own. Hers were just hidden away and tattooed on her soul. I wish you weren't even born. She could see them. She could hear them. She could feel them. She wasn't supposed to be like that. She wasn't supposed utter the words like the ones that had been said to her. She knew what they did to people. She had the first class seat in experiencing humiliation for just existing.

She was turning into the person she swore she never would.

The phone didn't stop vibrating and she finally pulled it out of her pocket. Just the person she needed. She swiped to answer and before she could say anything, he was already yelling.

"How long does it take to answer the damn phone. I was literally about to buy the ticket and come over with a search party." She rolled her eyes at his exaggerations. "I called Frosty and he said you haven't seen him since Saturday."

"Please. As if he got time. All he has been doing is getting shit-faced at parties."

"Watch your language, Biscuit."

"Stop calling me that." She whispered yelled as if everyone could hear her embarrassing nickname. "I'm a grad student now. Jeez."

"You are still my little Biscuit." He teased her and then he went quiet as she filled him up on the rollercoaster she went through merely in three days skipping the part where her inner self was pushing her own self into a destructive battle . He was her home. Her best friend. Her protector. All rolled into one as her older brother, but still she had never learned how to voice the suffocating world that was caged within her. She heard him sigh and she knew what topic they were approaching. "Have they called you?"

"No." She took a long breath as if that would stop her from cracking apart. "Didn't even message."

"I told them and they said they would."

"You and I both know they were never going to anyways."

"Will you be going home on the weekends."

"No. I can't. It feels good here. I can breathe without hearing that it's a crime for me to even breathe."

He could say sorry. He could say they would come around. He could say they were busy. He could say they still loved her they just didn't know how to show. But both of them knew all of that were lies. The lies that they had been living when they were naive and she didn't think parents could ever be anything but loving. But now they were grown up, she understood she was unwanted. She just didn't know why. And he felt guilty. Guilty for being loved by them even thought it wasn't his fault.

"I love you so much Biscuit, and I miss you." It felt good to hear that. She knew at least she was loved a little. "I'll come see you soon okay."

She nodded as if he could she but she couldn't talk. Her throat was closing up and it was like that every time they talked about their parents.

"Rabail." Fuck. She knew what he was going to ask her. It was always when he used her name he tried to approach that topic. The one that she refused to acknowledge. "You haven't tried it again have you?"

She did what she was good at. She lied.

"No."

oooooo

Hey lovelies,
Hope you all have a great day. Do comment and vote let me know what you guys think about reckless Rabail 😂 and cool as cucumber Khan 😝

- Sara