Professor Khan ✔️(completed)

15. n a a m - name

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       An eerie silence had fallen in between them. She stared at him. Frozen. She could even feel her own breath as she heard her heart beating rashly in her chest. 

     "Tell me more." She whispered. 

     He was staring back at her without blinking. His eyes went black as he held on to his cup tightly. As if whatever he was remembering was piercing his soul. Then the storm started brewing in his eyes.

     "I grew up with monsters, Rabail." 

     His low voice sent chills down her spine, into her bones. He stared into his cup. His body was so still that she wasn't even sure he was breathing.

     "And monsters only raise monsters." He suddenly looked up. His eyes rimmed red as if he was caging the pain within with a force. Making her gasp for air. 

     "How did you end up there?" She questioned him, not sure where she was going with, but she wanted to know what made him who he was. He stood up and went to the window. Pulling apart the curtain as he stared into the darkness of the night.

     "I went to juvie when I was sixteen." God, could this man get any more mysterious. "I had been a smart kid in school. So fucking smart that I thought I could change the whole damn world. I wanted to do something. Go to Mars or Find something deep in the sea, or find the cure for cancer or create something that would change the course of this world. But you ever seen a prey flourish among predators? Never. So what were my fucking chances? None. Zero. Zilch."

     "I want to be the odd one out. To be the one break the chains. To honor someone who had been close to me. To make it even when all odds were against me. But then the reality hit me. That it even cost me to even dream. That I was nothing but a monster pretending to be an angel in hell. A hell that was so dark that even light was scared to shine there. And that hell was reigned by my father." He had gone quiet. Her arms were covered in goosebumps as she put the coffee cup away and wrapped herself around herself. 

     "When it was about me running with demons, I was fine with it. I had been confronted with the devil since I was a child, but when it came to my younger sister and brother. I snapped. I couldn't let them be part of this. I'd burn in the hellfire thousand times over if it meant my siblings could walk unscathed. So when he tried to put his arms around their throat, I tried to choke his throat almost suffocating him to death and that landed me in juvie."

      He turned around as he placed the coffee cup in the window sill. Putting his hands in his pockets, he stared at her.  The silver light of the moon shining on him. As if rising out of the darkness of the night.

     "And the thing is Rabail," the way said his name sent the shiver down her body. "I don't regret it. There is nothing in me that feels guilty. If I have to do it all over again. I'll do it. I have no remorse for that incident. And my father did not like the fact that I didn't want to apologize. His blood soaked honor had been tarnished because his son dared to stand up for himself. So he decided it was time for me to learn a lesson and send me to Uncle Osman back home."

      "And I swear to Allah, Rabail. That one year I spent. I wished Allah had granted me death because it would have been easier the torture he put me through. Every single day I hoped it was the last I lived. He'd beat me day and night with anything he could find, from belts, to bats, to barbed wires... anything he could find. He made me torture others. Made me beat kids that shouldn't even have been there. I can still hear their screams till this day." His voice cracked as if he remembered those blows. He closed his eyes as he gasped for air. His breathing gone erratic. "Just because I didn't want to sell the heroin to kids. He wanted me to sell to teen. I had been seventeen years old myself. How could I do that to other kids when I knew what it did to my own?"

      "How could tear someone else's family when my own had been torn apart by drugs. I knew how drugs snatched souls out of bodies. I knew how it destroyed a person, piece by piece just leaving the shell behind. I knew it because I had watched my older brother fucking overdose in front of me."

      and something broke inside her. So silent but painful. The tears left her eyes. She didn't know she was crying. For him. For what life had done to him. For what fate had put him through. 

      "I had been ten years old, scared to death as I held his hand. As his breathing became shallow. Slowly leaving his body. The liquid foaming out of his body. I watched him die and my father couldn't bother to show up at his funeral because he had a deal to make." A sad chuckle left his lips. "You know what his last words to me were? Asfi, Take care of Ayla and Kabir. I'm giving you this responsibility. So how could I do this to someone else? So I paid the price for one whole year."

     He stared at his bare arms. Searching for something as his eyes moved frantically over his arms. 

     "My whole body was scarred. Red and torn. It scared me to look at myself. The mirror only showed me the monster I was becoming. So for every scar I got,  I went and covered it in ink. Hiding the monster under it. And I had no remorse and guilt left in me. And when my mother passed away I lost little faith I had left."

      "Did you see your mother before she passed away."

     "No."

    "Oh my god!" She cried out in pain. How was he still alive with so much pain? She covered her mouth with her hand as she sobbed. 

    "She called me. I don't know how she knew that it would be the last time she'd ever talk to me. So she was on the phone for hours and every time I said  'Maa, aren't you tired?' She'd say 'Nahi beta, I don't know if we'll get this chance again or not'  I thought she was talking about my father not letting her talk to me, but I didn't know that it'll be the last time I'll ever hear from her. And before hanging the phone she told, 'I'm sorry for not doing much for you. For not standing up for you. For your suffering, but remember you're not like him. You are not like your father. and I'm so proud that you stood up for yourself and your sister. When You were born, I named you and your name means brave and courageous so my son you are brave and courageous, but also remember to be kind and don't forget that your mother taught you to be a better human than the devils around you. so be kind, my son to yourself and to others.' "

     "To this day I'm trying to honor her words, her teachings, and her, but I can't hear my name. Not after she said after last time. Like I'm not deserving of it. I'm not courageous. How could I be brave when I left without turning back to even see how my sister and my brother were doing. How could I be brave after dishonoring both my brother and my mother? How could I take the name that she so lovingly gave me when I am a monster in my essence."

     She didn't know what came over her. Was it his overbearing pain? or the torture he was putting himself through over and over again, but she asked. She asked without caring for the consequences. 

      "What's your name, Khan?" dropping the formalities she asked. She wanted to know who he was. His eyes blazed at his question. She could see him stiffened. Tell me. She was begging silently. Let me feel your pain. The silence between them stretched as he stared at her yet again without blinking. His eyes reflecting his inner battle and he finally whispered as if it was too painful for him to say it out loud.

     "Asfandyar Khan."

     She sucked in her breath as he whispered. Feeling his pain in her own heart. His ache in her own bones as he stood there defeated. She knew there was more to him. His story was half and there was more pain bottled in him, but for now, she'd take whatever he'd give her and he'd given her his name... his trust. and she dared to say it out loud.

     "Asfandyar Khan." 

     She had whispered and he jolted like as if the air had been sucked out of him. His red eyes finally pooling with pain as he covered his mouth with his hand. The lone tears traveling down his right cheek and soaking his beard. 

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my poor bae...

I had to write this. LOL this was swirling too much in my head. Hope you guys like it. I haven't edited it so there will be mistakes so if you see any feel free to point it out... here or any other part. I don't mind