Persona

CHAPTER XXXVII: He could've been 37 years old now

JUNGKOOK POV:

Books were scattered
Broken glass were everywhere
And a suffocating air surrounds me

I feel alone.. cold.. and lonely

Why did I push her away? Why did I make her leave?

Are you happy now JungKook? That you're actually alone? That there's no one beside you right now?

This is what I wanted right? To be alone? To deal with everything by myself?

"..you can't open up about how you feel even though I can see in your eyes that you're dying to lean on someone!"

EunByeol's words suddenly entered my mind.
And it seems to be true..

Who can blame me? I always had no one. Even when I needed someone the most. No one was there.

I never had a shoulder to cry on.
I never showed people that I am weak.
I never showed people that I'm suffering.

I wanted people to think I am strong
I wanted people to think that I am the best
I wanted people to look up to me
I wanted people to know that I am happy

And now that people think I am strong,
Look up to me and sees me as someone who is living happily..

Why am I not actually... Happy?
Why do I still feel empty?

Why is it that I always had the urge to cry and let everything out?

Why can't I really lean on someone...?

(Flashback: 10 years ago)

"Jungkook-ah, are you ok?"

"Yes Appa, I'm fine" I pulled a faint smile and tried to walk pass him but, he stopped me

"I know you're not. What's wrong Nochu?" He leveled his eyes to mine and scanning it.

"Nothing appa. There is nothing wr-"

"You're hurt aren't you?" His words left me in shock.

How did he know?

"Aish this kid really" He smiled while pulling me towards the house and sat my on the sofa

He came back with a first aid kid and kneeled in front of me

"Why are you trying to endure the pain of this big wound?" He began to treat the wound on my knees caused by me being competitive in a tag game

"It doesn't hurt at all"

"Are you trying to be a man?" He smiled at me widely, definitely reading my mind

"I- uh no. I just uhm"

"Pabo~" He playfully hit my forehead and finished treating my wounds

"Just because you're a man that doesn't mean you can't cry anymore. You don't need to keep it all to yourself. If you feel like crying you can."

"But, that isn't manly appa! That's not being a real man"

"You're still human Nochu. You can still feel weak and fragile even though you're a man and that doesn't make you less manly. A real man is a fighter and not a coward who keeps everything to himself. You can still depend on someone, lean on someone  and cry on someone's shoulder."

He ruffled my head

"But, people tease me if I cry. They'll say that I am a man and a true man doesn't cry"

"Everyone has their weak spots. Everyone has the right to cry and be vulnerable. People can't take that rights from you. You don't need to show everyone you're strong. Just let them know you can fight, fight against any problem that you may face."

I felt relievied by his words. He's right. Everything he said is correct.

"And what do I always say to you?"

"To always love myself" I smiled ang hugged him tight

(End of flashback)

"Jungkook-ah?" A sweet voice called out to me and the sound of my door opening catched my attention.

I looked at the person who entered only to feel more weak...

It's been a while....

"Why are you here NaNa? At this exact time?" My voice was worn out, shaking and... Weak

"Jungkook...I'm sorry.."

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF SAYING THAT NOW? DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A BIT TOO LATE?! I already blamed it all on Jimin-hyung.. I already pushed him over the cliff.."

Thinking about the horrible things I did to him made me feel a new rush of regret flow through me, it made my heart heavier..

"What kind of a brother am I..?"

"I know Kookie-ah... I regret everything as much as you do.. And I'm sorry.." She hugged me, removing the coldness I was feeling and replacing it with warmth and comfort..

"Please forgive me. I know its our fault why you two turned out to be like this.. Why you two did things you didn't mean.."

"Just what is the point? It's too late now NaNa.."

"Forgiving someone is never late nor accepting someone..." She raised my head, making me look to her eyes

"Forgive us JungKook-ah... Forgive and accept your brother..."

That's when I lost it.

I hugged her tight and let my tears drench her shirt.

This feels good.
To hug someone...
To cry on someone's shoulder...
To let it all out...
To have someone by my side...

Dad was right..

If I feel like I'm at my peak, letting it all out makes me more better.
It makes me feel stronger.

Everyone has their limits and everyone has the right to let it all out whether you're a man or a woman. It doesn't matter

"He could've been 37 years old now.. Thank you Appa..."

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Feel like updating today so here yah go

Only a few chapters are left

So wish me luck!

I can finally finish this!

-Luna❣