— September —
A week long I sat in his hospital room, using the shower of his room and eating crappy food in the cafetaria. I played music and wrote new songs while I sat there. I often had nurses stay in the room to listen to me or I played at the nurse station so other patients could come watch and listen too. The only reason they let me stay was because I was medically trained and in two weeks I would start my internship right here in these hallways. So they let me stay day and night, offered to let me sleep in the oncall rooms and let me play my music. I would even be going to the pediatrics wing today to play music with kids.
It was my way of coping with this all. I wrote, I sang and I played for 7 days long. I barely slept and stayed with him at all times, only leaving for food or drinks.
Mom and Jackie drive back and forth between Cambridge and London every day as Jackie has to go to school and mom has to work. She only had to work half days so as soon as Jackie was out of school, they drove here and drove back the next morning. So Piper stayed with them in Cambridge because I was unable to take care of her.
There has been no change in his condition and he was still dependent on the machines to keep him breathing. We were going to have to make a decision soon because once there is no more brain function, it's over.
Jackie has it the hardest to understand but I saw it in class and know how it works and mom sees it at work too often.
It was 11am and today it was officially a week since he had his heart attack and he went into a coma, which he might never wake up from anymore.
I was losing him soon and I knew that.
I put my guitar against the side and walked over to him.
"I'm just going to get a coffee, I'll be back soon. I love you dad." I said as I held his hand. I placed a kiss on his forehead before walking out of the room and walking down the hallway to the coffee machine. I was walking back to his room when the alarm of his room started going off. Nurses and doctors ran over straight away and when the words 'code blue' got yelled through the hallway, the cup of coffee fell out of my hand and I started running back.
Code blue means no more heartrate, it meant he was giving up. It meant he was leaving me. As soon as I reached the room, a nurse pushed me back and held me in the hallway.
"You don't want to see this darling." She said as she held her hand on my upper arm.
"It's his time, isn't it?" I asked calmly and she let out a sigh before nodding.
"He has been touch and go for a week now." She said as I heard them shock him, push medication into his veins and the leading doctor yell out orders at the others.
And when I heard the long, constant beeping noise without a single order given by the leading doctor, I knew what time it was.
I killed my dad.
He post phoned his surgery to go on a holiday with me and he had a heartattack when he visited my event.
I killed him.
The doctor who has been overseeing him all week walked out first and came straight to me.
"Miss Evans, we tried everything we could but we couldn't save him." He said as he looked at me, sorrow in his eyes. "Your father passed away."
I was never going to be able to live with the fact I missed out on being with him during his last month. I would never be able to forgive myself for going to LA, when I should have stayed here.
"Can I go back in and see him?" I asked and he looking inside shortly before nodding.
"Can you stay with miss Evans?" He asked one of the residents. I took my guitar from against the chair and sat down on the chair beside his bed.

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Anxiety • part 2
FanfictionI never thought an anxiety attack could be the best thing to happen to me. Do not read without reading part 1 first, you won't understand half of it if you do.