Anxiety • part 2

54 • O fucking 2

I was almost shaking on my legs while I stood beside the stage, adrenaline was starting to take over but I was still filled with nerves and fear. The biggest show so far was 8000 people. Tonight there are 20000 people, currently screaming my name and waiting for me to come on stage.

Just 3 more minutes or 180 seconds.

The dress that I was wearing was from the mom collection, made to show off your baby bump but that made me very scared. I wanted to do it this way, I really did but today 20.000 people's eyes will be on me, while I wear a dress that reveals one of my biggest secrets and confirms the rumours that kept getting shut down by some pages.

"You're going to do great Sam, just believe in yourself." Ashton said and I quickly took a step towards him and hugged him thightly. "I know you're scared but it will all be okay."

"It's unfair that guys don't have to deal with these kind of things." I said softly and he laughed before looking at me.

"You can do this my love. And you're not alone up there, don't forget that." He said with a smile and I nodded before letting him go.

"Let's do this guys." I said and they all looked at me happily. They all got in their places and I looked at Ashton one last time before turning around too and going to the steps where I had to get up.

"Just relax, you are amazing." One of the staff members said. I smiled at him before looking ahead of me and taking in a deep breath.

I could see the lights get darker and hear the screaming increase when the band got on stage.

20 seconds left.

I counted down once the music started and I pushed away the amount of people to the back of my mind. I just focused on the music.

At 5 seconds I got on the steps and I got on stage perfectly timed, walking over to the microphone and in my head it was silent, in reality every person in the room had started screaming loudly.

I just focused on a few people in the first rows, of who I could see the faces clearly. I sang and played the first song for them and slowly gathered the courage to sing for those behind them until I could no longer see any faces. Until I was playing infront of 20.000 people, with a smile on my face but a heart racing in my chest.

Once I had played the second song, my heartrate went down a little but the adrenaline rush was not doing it any good. But then I felt a little kick, on the right side and it was as if she took over my mind. I calmed down instantly and smiled even wider. Like she knew that I needed it right now.

"Goodevening London" I said before taking the microphone off the stand and enjoying the freedom of the big stage. While they all screamed so loudly that I couldn't hear my own thoughts anymore, I took a moment to really look at the crowd. "There are a lot of you." I said and I could see those in the front laugh softly which made me even happier. "Up until 3 months ago, the biggest show I had ever played was about 200 people. Tonight there are 20000 of you and that's so insane." I said before quickly taking a sip on my water bottle.

"Did any of you also come to my first show in London?" I asked and by the amount of screams, I think the whole venue of that night was here again. "So is everyone ready to dance with me during this next song?" I asked and I got many screams as a reply. "Alright, let's go." I said before looking at the band and nodding.

Two more songs with my guitar hiding almost everything and then I have to let go. I have to share my little girl with the world, because 20.000 people meant a lot of phones, it would be everywhere before we get the chance to say anything about it.

So for two songs, I enjoyed the fact it was still our little secret.

But as soon as they were over, I put my guitar on its stand and went back to the microphone. "Every show I say the same words before I play this song, I tell everyone how much my dad means to me and how losing him felt to me. I tried to put that into words in the song but losing someone is different to anyone. You can't possibly compare someone's pain after losing a loved one to your own. So now that I have so many of you together here, I just want to say that it will all be okay. Being kind to a stranger can save a life, never forget that. So look at someone standing close to you, someone you don't know, tell them it will all be okay and give them a hug. Because the world would be a much happier place if everyone was a little kinder." I said before I saw everyone starting to hug each other. I carefully got off the front of the stage and hugged the first girl infront of me. "No matter what you're going through, it will all be okay in the end." I said with a small smile.