Anxiety • part 2

5 • impossible

Ashton had already went downstairs with Piper to go to the bar while I stood in my appartment. Except for the furniture, it was completely empty. All boxes got picked up this morning by two seperate trucks to go to LA or Cambridge. My piano is on its way to Cambridge too where it will get a place in an empty room together with all my boxes.

We had a goodbye party with my friends yesterday and I was going to say goodbye to my mom and Jackie tonight before leaving tonight at 10pm.

I stood in the middle of my appartment, just staring at the empty walls and closets.

I went around the appartment one last time to make sure I didn't forget anything before going to the door, I locked the door behind me and took the key off my keychain. Which was now an empty keychain. My bike was in Cambridge too, car was sold and I would return my appartment key now. All other sort of useless keys were with the items they belonged with so it's over.

No more keys.

I took in a deep breath before going downstairs and walking into the bar with a half smile on my face. Ashton was talking with John but as soon as he saw me, his focus was on me.

"The last keys." I said with a smile as I placed them on the counter. John looked at them for a second before taking them.

"I'm going to miss you here but I can't wait untill your music will play on the radio and you will conquer the world. I was just telling Ashton how he should look out because you're going to be stealing hearts all over."

"Then he will finally know what it's like for me." I said with a smile as I looked at him. "I am going to miss you too John, but I'll come here again as soon as I'm back in London for a weekend in September."

"I'll hunt you down if you don't. Which shouldn't be that hard as you're always all over the internet." He replied with a laugh before turning around and grabbing two glasses. "The last drink is on the house."

"Thank you." Ashton said with a smile as John put two drinks infront of us. I took my drink and looked at Ashton before raising my glass a little.

"To LA and the start of an amazing new chapter." I said and he raised his glass too with a smile before drinking.

I tried to focus on the good parts of the move, pushing back today's goodbyes for now and loving Ashton now. Because I know he would see me screaming and crying in an hour or two. I have been good in holding in when he's around because he makes me happy but nothing can make today easier.

We talked about LA with John for half an hour before getting the last things and going to the car. Our suitcases in the trunk and silence falling over us as soon as I started driving.

I turned the music loud enough and Ashton took that as a cue that I didn't want to talk.

"I haven't done this trip that often yet but shouldn't you have made a right turn there?" Ashton asked when we were two minutes from home. I nodded but kept on driving.

"I can't leave without this goodbye." I said as I parked infront of it. I turned off the car but I couldn't move.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked and I had to think about it. But I nodded.

I was going to need someone.

We left Piper in the car with the window fully open for the 'heat'. He put his arm around my waist as we walked and I leaned into him.

"I'll go alone from here." I looked at him and he nodded. He stopped and I walked the last 2 meters. I looked down.

I had to say goodbye to my dad. I visited his grave every other week atleast and I talked to him, for hours on some days.