Anxiety • part 2

43 • pants

"Why didn't you wake me last night?" Ashton asked when he scrolled through all the texts in the groupchat. It still went on for a long time after I put my phone on silent. Everyone was just catching up while we use the chat very frequently. But I was glad they did it, that they all talked with eachother without us too. In the end it was Lauren and Abby who had decided to make the chat. It started with just Lauren, Abby, Jackie, Harry and Joel but then they added Ashton and I and shortly after our parents too. I love that we had nothing to do with the creation of the chat.

"Because you were sleeping peacefully and I'm already going to be hell to live with in the tourbus so I thought I'd let you sleep another night now that we're in a hotel." I said but he looked disappointed that I didn't. He wants to be there for me on the bad moments but I'm not going to wake him every time I have to puke. "I'm okay Ash. But I'm still waiting for you to show your tattoo."

"Please don't laugh" he said with a chuckle before pulling his knee to his chest so he could undo the wrapper but I laughed when I saw the small simple tattoo he put on his ankle.

"It's adorable and I would totally get a matching one if I wasn't pregnant." I said as I looked at the strawberry tattoo.

"It was an impuls idea when I walked past the tattoo place in New York yesterday but I really like it and it also symbolises love, romance and passion." He said with a smile, I leaned over and gave him a small peck on the lips before getting out of bed. "So how are you doing with fitting in your pants?"

"Still very good, it's too early to already have to move a size up."

"I can't wait until the baby bump is finally here."

—

9 days on the road and every day I get out of the bunk bed, kiss Ash good morning and get changed into jeans and a shirt before getting breakfast. But after 10 minutes in the small bathroom and a hundred attempts, I was still failing to do the simple routine.

"Is everything alright?" Ash asked as he knocked on the door.

"I made a big mistake while packing." I said while I kept staring at the loose button which was nowhere close to being closed. "I didn't bring any sweatpants."

"What's wrong?"

"I can't close the button anymore and these are the biggest ones I brought. I thought it would take longer but I already went up a few sizes." I said as I tried once again to push the button through the hole but it just wouldn't fit anymore. It was already hard the past two days but it's like it exploded over night as I missed more than a centimeter to be able to close it.

He stayed silent for a little while before knocking again. "Open the door, you can use my sweatpants." He said and I smiled to myself before unlocking the door.

Everyone from the tour staff knew about strawberry, who was now the size of a plum, so there was no need to hide things for them. But they also knew how much of an achievement every day was for me. I thought they had to know because if it happens, I'm going to crash down hard.

Tomorrow it will be 12 weeks already so just 2 more weeks before the first trimester is over and every time I call my doctors in LA and London, they have a hard time understanding I'm still pregnant.

When I opened the door he had the biggest grin on his face and held his hands behind his back. "You'll get the pants if I can admire your baby bump and my little strawberry."

"I can also just ask Jazz for one of her jeans because I'd fit in those." I said with a chuckle and when I tried walking past him, he stopped me and got in the bathroom with me.