Monsters Among Men || 5sos

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Jersey's frail, delicate, pale hand wraps around her mothers bony but larger one, and she leans her head against her shoulder, tears streaming down her red blotchy cheeks from her tired blue eyes. Her eyebrows are drawn together tightly and her throat is sore from all the screaming.

"I'm sorry, baby." Comes her hoarse voice, breaking the tense silence. "I- I went too far. I didn't mean it." Her words are sincere.

Jersey aches all over, but especially her heart. She doesn't know what to think. It's never, ever been this bad. She's never gotten this bad, lost control this much.

She can't properly process thoughts. She never knew it would be like this. She thought she'd be able to help her mum, to be her one constant when everyone else gave up on her. She thought she could deal with it, deal with whatever challenges she comes with when no one else could, that she could change her eventually. That because it was her duty as her daughter, she could be strong.

But now... this was too much.  She never thought...

It's the disease. It's really not her fault, it's the sickness. Still...

She loves her, she does. But she doesn't think she can handle it anymore. She thought she could be strong for her, could help her. She knows she's not the only one it hurts, that it's hell for the older woman as well. for everyone around her. But jersey doesn't think she can do this anymore. Can't be strong anymore. Her mothers taken everything.

She pulls away from her mother and flees on shaky legs. "Where are you going?"

Jersey doesn't answer. She walks towards he door with a limp, and the gray haired woman follows after her.

"Jersey? What are you doing?"

She walks quicker, though it pains her. She's tired of having to think through her every move so as not to trigger the woman, tired of everything she does being hers, all she has being hers. She won't be hers anymore.

"Do you think you're leaving? We should talk."

"I don't wanna talk." She whispers, dodging her mums attempts when she tries to grab her arm.

"You can't leave!" She grabs for her hair this time, yanking her back. Her yell turns to a whimper as she envelopes her in her frail arms. "I need you."

"Let go."

"No. Talk to me, baby."

"I don't wanna talk! Let go, Mum." Her mother spins her around and lands a slap against her cheek, then pulls away with a glare.

Jersey chokes on a sob, yanking away and continuing towards the door.

"Jersey, where do you think you're going to go?!"

Somewhere far away from you.

But she doesn't answer aloud, just walks faster towards the from door, trying to put on her shoes quickly.

But her mothers running at her now, and she's angry. She has no time, so she flings the door open and runs out, feet clad in only her socks.

She runs down the gravel drive, trees surrounding her on either side, and hears her mother starting the car.

Her feet stop and she glances around frantically, before barreling past the tree line on her left and ignoring the stinging of black berry vines catching and tearing the skin of her ankles, the branches whipping against her exposed arms and face, scratching her limbs, grabbing her arms and pulling her hair.

Rocks tear through her socks and bruise her feet and her lungs shriek for better air, for her to slow and catch her breath, and she can't distinguish the feeling Of the cardio from the panic attack coursing through her veins.

Hot tears stream down her face, and her sobs tear through and are lost within the wind beating against her as she runs.

It's dark, and she can barely see where she's going as she dodges trees and limbs.

A scream is ripped from her as she trips over a fallen tree, and now that she's stopped, only now does she realize how tired she is, how much her lungs burn, how her body cries in pain, and she lets the crying consume her.

She sobs until it hurts her ribs and throat too much to do so anymore, and then she thinks over her current situation.

She's terrified of the dark, and the woods have always given her shivers, so she doesn't know what compelled her to take shelter in the woods, late at night.

She doesn't know how long she's been running, it feels like hours. Who knows how deep in the woods she must be.

But she can't imagine staying here any longer, every noise or shift of wind makes her curl in on herself and intensifies every skull-pounding fear and every heart-tightening anxiety.

She struggles to stand, then, to walk, to find the edge of the woods, find safety, but after a few steps, the nearby bushes ruffle and the wind blows harder and she crumpled to the floor of the forest in fear.

She's so cold, so scared, and  her heart absolutely aches.

Another sound from the bushes drags a shriek from her throat and she curls further into herself, mumbling useless prayers and self assurances.

What was she thinking, leaving her mother? Or, well, it's not exactly the leaving her mother part she regrets most- she's been contemplating that part for months. Pondering the best way, where to go- but she didn't have it figured out, and that was not the right time. Not so late at night, not when her mother was in the aftershocks of one of her rock bottom downs. Not when she had nowhere to flee, no shelter, nothing. Not when her mother would think it was an irrational, split second decision. Not when she'd expect her back for months.

Tears continue to stream down her flushed face as she sits on the leaf covered ground, twigs and rocks digging into her, the cold air and wind chill surrounding and suffocating her biting at her exposed skin and making it bump and shiver.

She doesn't know how long she sits there before she flops pathetically onto her side and continues her silent sobbing, and she doesn't know how long that goes on before sleep finally captured her against her fearful selfs will.