Why Don't We One Shots

Let Me Leave - Zaniel

DANIEL'S POV

Today's the day. It's the day we find out if Zach got into one of the most elite music programs in the country. He's been a nervous wreck the past few weeks, wondering whether or not he got in.

Me? Well, yeah, of course I hope he got in. He's amazingly talented, so I don't see a reason for him to get rejected. But as his boyfriend...I don't want to be 3,000 miles away from him for the next five years.

"Ready?" Zach asks me, bouncing his knee out of nervousness.

I'm hugging a pillow to my chest, legs crossed, my heart pulling me in two different directions - wanting him to get in and wanting him to stay here. "Open it."

He eagerly rips open the envelope, scrambling for the papers inside. He reads a few lines before handing it to me, smile on his face. "I got in!" He gets up and starts dancing around his living room.

I scan the paper. Half of my heart is soaring. The other half is crushed. I put on a fake smile. "Yes! Babe, this is so exciting!"

"Couldn't have done it without you! You've always encouraged me to follow my dreams, and now here I am - on my way to one of the best music programs in the whole entire country!" Zach smiles, calming down in his celebrations long enough to peck me on the cheek. Then he gets back up and runs upstairs to call his parents with the good news.

"Yep," I whisper to myself, reading the acceptance letter again. "Couldn't have done it without me..."

All week long, Zach kept talking and talking about how excited he was about it. He hardly spoke about anything else. The worst part about everything was, in order to register for the program, Zach had to fly out to New York in a week and a half, even though the program didn't start for another month. I wasn't sure I'd ever be prepared to say goodbye.

It's Saturday night now, the last day that Zach would be home for five years. He'll get vacation time and breaks of course, but nothing will ever compare to him and I, staying up all night, every night of summer. Together. We're sitting on his couch, watching a movie. It's hard to ignore the suitcases packed and ready by the door, just another reminder that he'd leave me by morning.

"I'm going to go make us some popcorn," Zach announces, standing. "Do you want anything?"

I shake my head, putting on the fake smile again, the same face I've had on for nearly the entire week. "Nope, I'm okay."

I was so not okay.

Once he leaves, I pause the movie and put my head in my hands, willing myself not to cry. The tears came anyway, and it felt so good to let them out. To cry. To not have to hide anything. To be raw and real. I don't know how I'm going to live without him. He was the one who saved me, and now he's going to disappear. What's going to happen to us?

"Do you want butter on the popcorn or-?" Zach shuts up immediately when he sees me wiping at my eyes, trying desperately to pull myself together. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

I can't lie to him anymore. This facade of happiness is over. "Zach, I'm a terrible person."

"What? Why?"

I sob uncontrollably. "I encouraged you to try and get into that program, and now I don't want you to go at all."

"Aww, Dani, that doesn't make you a terrible person," Zach says, pulling me into a hug and rubbing my back in circles. "I'm scared too. I'm scared to be away from here, from everything I've ever known. I'm scared to be away from you. Hell, I'm terrified." He smiles. "But I'm going to go anyway."

"And I want you to," I tell him, putting my hand over his. "But I can't stand the thought of you leaving."

"We have tonight," Zach points out. "And the drive tomorrow morning, just you and me. We'll make it count."

I nod and wipe away the last of my tears, smiling sadly. It was so like him to do this for me, to put everything into perspective. I was going to miss that so much.

The next morning, I wake to discover that we had both fallen asleep. "Zach, baby," I whisper, shaking his shoulder. "It's time to go live your dreams."

He gets up, running his eyes adorably, his hair messy from sleeping. "Time already?"

I nod. "Yep. Better go get dressed."

We both get ready and get on our way, Zach handing me the keys and letting me drive. The drive is mostly silent, our favorite songs playing through the car radio.

We pull up to the airport and I go in as far as they let me. Zach turns to me, eyes shining.

"I guess I'd better go," he says, pulling me in for a hug.

"This is not goodbye," I tell him "You'll be home all the time, and I'll call you every night, and-" I break off into a sob.

"Shh, it's okay." He hugs me tightly, and kisses my lips softly. I take his face in my hands, letting the kiss linger, begging him to never leave. I lean my forehead on his, crying quietly.

"Is there anything I can do to make you stay?"

"Let me leave," Zach says. "If we're meant to come back together, we will. If we aren't, we aren't. I'm always going to be there for you Dani. Because I love you."

"I love you too." I pull his face into my hands again, cupping his cheek. I kiss him and kiss him, not knowing when my next chance to do so will be.

"I have to go," he whispers, pulling away, our hands interlocked. "Bye, Dani."

"Bye Zachy." He keeps our hands locked for as long ad he can before slowly letting go, our fingers trailing together for the last few moments.

I watch as he walks up a ramp to get into the gates when he stops. And he turns. And he yells, "I love you, Daniel James Seavey! With all of my heart, I love you!"

People stop and stare at us, but I don't care. I laugh and wipe away stray tears. "I love you too, Zachary Dean Herron! With my whole soul, I love you!"

He smiles goofily and waves, blowing me a kiss. Then, I watch him disappear, exhaling heavily.

What can I do to make you stay?

Let me leave...

~