Ash

Chapter 45

THIS CHAPTER MAY BE TRIGGERING. THIS IS A TRIGGER WARNING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Also, keep in mind this is not the next day, this is a little further down the timeline. Thank you.

Ash's POV

I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes. The warmth radiating from my heater made the cold winter morning feel like it was summertime. "Come on Prezioso, time to get up," Erik spoke from the door. I groaned and sat up, rubbing my eyes. "Do I have to go to school today? We aren't doing anything important in class," I mumbled. "Ashton, if you don't get out of that bed right now, so help me-" he was interrupted by Jade smacking him in the back of his head. "Erik, leave Ash alone, gosh you're such an annoying brother," Jade joked. "Pretty annoying boyfriend too," I snickered. He feigned hurt and put his hand over his heart. Jade grabbed me and pulled me out of the bed before shoving her brother out of the room.

"I've gotta be at school early to help set up for the dance next week, so Erik is gonna drive me and then come back and grab you," she spoke as she brushed her blue hair. "I can walk to school, it's not that far." She argued with me for a moment saying I shouldn't walk alone, something could go wrong. "Calm down, nothing bad is gonna happen, you're overreacting again," I said calmly. "Besides, you know I can kick someone's a-" I was cut off by Erik, "Language!" Jade laughed, causing me to roll my eyes, and then they left for school.

Erik is Jade's older brother. He's 21, Jade's 18, and I'm almost 18. I looked out of the window and saw the light reflect off of Erik's pale blonde hair. 'Time to get dressed' I thought to myself. After digging through my closet, I finally settled on a pair of ripped acid washed jeans, a black and grey striped sweatshirt, and my solid black converse. After double knotting my shoes and checking to make sure I have all my stuff for school today, I jogged down the stairs and to the front door. Locking the door behind me, I step out into the world. Sunshine. The sun is still shining brightly, melting the ice on the ground. The crisp wind blows the autumn leaves across the sidewalk in front of me. I inhaled deeply, closed my eyes, and basked in the sun's warmth for a moment.

I reopened my eyes and the world seemed so much clearer, like foggy glasses that had just been replaced with brand new ones. You know, like how you clean a window and then everything seems brighter? That's what it was like. Today was going to be great. Keyword there? Was. I began walking down the sidewalk toward the high school. 12 blocks doesn't seem that far, right? Not to you, but when you've got something weighing on your conscience it seems a hell of a lot longer than it really is.

I know what you're thinking, there's no way I could do something that bad, right? Wrong.

The cool air was blowing in my face and the cars driving by only brought more. I could feel my hands becoming numb from the cold, and my nose was probably cherry red at this point. I began to shiver the further I walked and my hands were now completely numb. I could finally see the front of the school, but it still felt so far away. I rubbed my hands together and shoved them in my pockets. Still cold. Still numb.

My phone began vibrating, causing me to jump a little. "Hello?" I asked softly, "Hey, Ash, everything okay?" Erik spoke into the phone. I nodded, but felt dumb when I realized he couldn't see me, "Yeah, just a little c-cold," I shivered again. My eyelashes felt like they were covered in ice as they brushed against my cheeks. "I should've just come back to get you," he said, clearly upset, "No, it's okay. I'm almost to the school anyways."

Just then he pulled up in his car, a four door 1967 black Chevy Impala with a tan interior, "Get in the car," he said before hanging up. I shivered and opened the door, climbing in. Instant warmth. I placed my bag on my floor between my feet and put my seatbelt on. "Prezioso, you're freezing." I nodded, still shivering. He cranked up the heat and turned the radio on. "We're gonna sit in the parking lot until you stop shivering. If you're late to class I'll handle it."

I smiled as one of my favorite songs flowed through the speakers. I couldn't help but to sing along, "Mama told me when I was young
'Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day
Oh, take your time, don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
You'll find a woman and you'll find love
And don't forget, son, there is someone up above
And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you love and understand
Baby, be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can
Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied
And be a simple kind of man
Oh, be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me, son, if you can'
Oh yes I will..."

I took a deep breath and looked into Eric's icy blue eyes, "I think I'm gonna go inside now, I'm not shivering and you know I can't miss English." Erik gave me a hug, "I love you, Prezioso, call me if you need me. Have a good day at school," he kissed the top of my head, "I love you too, Erik." I got out of the car, grabbed my bag, and headed straight for the front door of the school. Looking back, I should've said something to Erik, to the principal, to Jade, to anyone. But it was too late.

I pulled the suicide note from my pocket and read it again. Don't worry, it's not mine. I enter the building, but instead of taking it to the office, I go to class. Friday. I have until midnight to tell someone. Do I risk losing her to suicide? Do I risk her hating me? I don't want her to hate me. No. She won't do it. She's smarter than that. She knows it's permanent if she does. Right?

The whole day I'm distracted by my thoughts. Tell or don't tell, that's my predicament. I love Shelby, I do, and I don't want her to hate me. But is it worth the risk of her dying? There's a voice in my head yelling at me 'Tell someone' but there's a louder one telling me she won't do it. I won't tell. I won't betray her like that. I should have listened to the other one.

It's midnight. Is Shelby okay? I sigh and call her phone. No answer. Okay, maybe she's asleep. I'll try again in the morning.

6:30. No answer. 6:35. Still no answer. I cave and go to her house. She probably overslept, I'm sure her phone is on vibrate. I knock, her foster mom opens the door. "I was just about to go wake her up, but you can if you'd like." I smile, "Of course, thank you Ms. Snow." I head up the stairs and knock on her bedroom door. No answer. I open the door slowly, looking for any sign of her. Not on the bed. Not in her room. Maybe she's in her bathroom. I open the door and step inside.

A scream. That's all I hear, a loud scream. Footsteps race up the stairs, "Ashton, what's wrong?" Shelby's foster brother, Johnny, asked. And then he saw what I saw. He collapsed to his knees in tears. Her foster mom was next. "Call 911! Someone call 911!" She screamed. Shelby was in the bath, fully clothed, blood still dripping from her wrists.

I should've just told someone. Now I'll spend the rest of my life feeling that guilt. I could've stopped her. It's all my fault. If I would have just given someone that damn letter, my best friend would still be alive. I wouldn't be standing here on the edge of a building, considering whether or not I should let myself fall. True to the words of Nickelback, these city walls ain't got no love for me, I'm on the ledge of the 18th story. True to the words of Five Finger Death Punch, step away from the ledge, I'm coming down.