My Impossible Love ✔️

***BONUS CHAPTER***

Dear lovely family,
🚨🚨*WARNING: This chapter(s) will be on things that happened after Infinity War and Avengers:Endgame. So please be aware that there will be SPOILERS if you haven't seen these movies. Specially Avengers:Endgame since it's pretty new. If you don't mind the spoilers then go right ahead and enjoy reading. But this chapter will make more sense if you've watched the most recent movie beforehand plus you'll enjoy it more(*😉). I will not be held responsible for spoilers given from this point on , read at your OWN RISK!🚨🚨
Enjoy.

Natasha
Half of the universe vanished.
Thanos snaps his fingers and suddenly the family that took me so long to get disappears.
I fucking hate how it makes me feel.
Empty.
That's how I feel most of the time, and sometimes I wish that we somehow could change what happened that day. I would do anything to get my family back. Clint lost all he ever had in a blink of an eye. His whole family and I would die over and over again if it meant that he would get them back. I would die in a heart beat if it meant that I got my family back but sadly that's not a possibility and instead I'm alive while the rest of family isn't.
I am grateful that fate wasn't absolutely cruel to me. At least Steve didn't vanished and I was so grateful for that, the moment people started vanishing in the battle field at Wakanda, I was beyond confused. First Wanda vanished right before my eyes and my heart broke and then the aftermath shattered my heart, running to Steve and seeing that he was there, that he physically was there and hadn't left me was a relief.
Clint left us soon after finding that his family was part of the 'vanished universe'. I don't blame him, I would've probably done the same. But this anger he has against the world, he's taken it too far, and it breaks my heart that I can give him any hope of seeing his family ever again. I want to so desperately, to give him the light he needs to get out of the hole he is in.
I try to be strong most of the time, to constantly be on the move, doing things to help others, help those we have left, but some days I can't help but think how things have changed so drastically. I find myself often crying, I mourn quietly for my family, the only one I've ever had and ever will, because I didn't go with them and instead I'm one of the unlucky ones who stayed behind to mourn those they lost.
I know it's wrong to want to disappear, to vanish like the rest of my family, but being alive, waking up everyday knowing I survived, gives me a sense of guilt. Knowing the Clint is suffering and that I can't do any about it is something that keeps me up at night, not that I sleep at all.
"Gloomy day for you today?" I heard a familiar and comforting voice ask from behind me.
I look over my shoulder to see Steve leaning against a wall, arms crossed across his chest looking down at me sympathetically.
"No I'm fine" I said standing up and picking up my cup of tea from the kitchen counter.
"So you cry when you're happy?" Steve asked looking at me.
"I never said I was happy, I just said I was fine" I said walking over towards him to greet him properly.
"It's hard for all of us Nat" he said pushing himself off of the wall.
I wrapped an arm around his back and hugged him side ways to greet him.
"I know" I whispered quietly.
I began pulling away but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him.
"Come here" he whispered comforting and wrapped his arms around my waist hugging me tightly.
"It's just so hard" I whispered my voice cracking, I could feel tears in my eyes.
"I know Nat. I know" he said rubbing my hair with his thumb.
"Clint is out of control an I can't give him what he wants. I can't bring his family back, my family back" I said as tears were running down my cheek.
"But we still have each other" he said hugging me tighter and kissing the top of my hair.
"You're not good enough" I said laughing lightly and pulling away from him.
"Don't do that, don't push me away. We're all we got, and sadly your stuck with me" He said looking at me hurt clear in his eyes at my rejection. It's not that I want to reject him, it's just that I'm not good with showing affection. Growing up no one ever showed me affection, the only thing that I've ever known is how to kick ass and punch my way out of things. And since I can't punch Steve, my reflexive instinct is to push him away.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt your feelings I just I—" I rambled not finding the words to apologize.
"Don't worry about it, I don't want to push you Nat, but your my friend and I care about. I hope you know that" I said looking at me.
"I know, and thank you for being with me on my "gloomy days" as you like to call them" I said smiling at him.
"I'm with you till the—" Steve began
"End of the line" I finished for him smiling lightly.
"We will get our family back Nat" Steve reassures
"I wish I could see the world like you do sometimes" I said truthfully.
"Well I'll tell you my secret: hope" he said
"Yeah well I don't have any of that secret ingredient" I told him.
"Well I have plenty and I'm willing to share" he said nudging me playfully
"Well you are a pretty generous guy" I said nudging him back.
"We will be okay, not now, but some day. And until that day comes I will keep fighting" he said wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me to his side.
"And I'll be fighting right next to you partner" I said looking up at him and patting his back playfully.
"Didn't expect anything less" he said giving his signature smile that made my heart ache a little less on my 'gloomy day'.
Hope you liked this post-Thanos aftermath Romanogers chapter.
I'll probably be writing more one-shots like this, specially because it makes me feel better, I'll keep my Romanogers heart beating till the very end.
Marvel can't kill my spirit. 🖤🖤

Hope you liked the chapter.
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