TWDG- Louis x Reader 【oneshots】18+

Ch 41: Heartbreak,

< Imagine: You were always an unhappy teen, due to some permanent scarring both mentally and physically from your horrid, morbid past. Nothing seemed to help ease the dark swirling thoughts and constant degrading about yourself. Your boyfriend, Louis, had never found out about this side of you. You didn't let let him. Afraid that he'd ditch you for someone else... someone.. normal.

Until one day... you decided that enough was enough. You couldn't deal with being a mess anymore- a decision you would regret soon to be prevailed.

*** [TRIGGER WARNING: GORE, MENTAL ILLNESSES, TRAUMA AND ABUSE.] ***
Read with caution.

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• Here you were... in the old weathered and battered greenhouse, staring down at your scarred wrists, anxiety crawling up your spine while pondering if you should reopen them like the many times you have before. Your hands shakily holding a foggy broken shard of glass- just hovering mere inches above your rough calloused skin.
"Shit... this is harder than I thought.." you whisper aloud, a few more tears slipping down your cheeks. You inhaled deeply, your chest feeling constricted of space- as if you were suffocating.
You trembled, unsure but sure at the same time, that you want to do this.
All this trouble.. and this pain due to your traumatic past. A horrible and morbid one you wish you had never lived in.

• It all started years ago, back before you had found the old school and met amazing people who you now consider as family- You had developed severe depression, causing you to be suicidal.
The group you were travelling with were.. bad people... very bad people. They would murder innocent people so that they could raid them entirely of their stuff.
And the second worst thing.. You were forced to help.. a gun aimed at you and ready to shoot- you were reluctantly apart of their vile act.
• on countless occasions your gave up on hope and attempted at ridding of your existence by many.. many ways.
They all failed, unfortunately for you.
And you were severely punished by everyone for even thinking about ending your life.
They weren't concerned for you or worried about losing you as if they cared deeply for you.. no, they wanted you alive to help them with their dirty deeds.

They clean their hands of the filth while you scrambled around on the floor cleaning everything up. This always was the case.

Every time someone would die.. your heart ached immensely. The pure fear that was threaded into the victims eyes always shook you to the core- it never got old. It never failed to make you feel guilty and worthless.. you never got used to seeing murder commence in front of your very own eyes. To have their blood splatter on your skin, on your clothes.
• You were tainted forever...
Even though you didn't commit the crime of cold-blooded murder.
It was never normal for you to see these purges and be somewhat apart of it...

Every time someone's heart thumped it's last beat, every time a last breath of air breathed out- you felt yet another chip of your happiness and sanity shrivel away, scattering away for good.

• you would try so hard to stop this all from happening. To stop the killings and to get your group to see that what they're doing is wrong.
One time you caught of the guards eating human limbs! You threw up at the sight, only sadistic laughs ploughed out the cannibals mouth.

And now... they had kidnapped a child. A fucking child.
How could they be so heartless?
The child's pleas for help were muffled behind someone's hand. Their pleas useless because of that.
You had enough! You weren't going to stand by and watch them torture a child before graphically ending their life.
"Please, doing this is pure evil! They're just trying to survive like us. They never bothered you.. please leave them be" you practically begged on your knees with your hands together as if you were praying to the gods. Gods that never answered your desperate prayers...
You gave the most pleading expression your could, maybe it would convince them to quit their cruel and vile act? Hah... that was wishful thinking.
They never reasoned.
They didn't listen.