Bleeding Souls (Daryl Dixon)

21. Not Facts, But Hope

          It's been a month since Daryl and I last talked. Hell, if I'm being honest, none of us are really talking. The winter is harsh and everyone is so tense. But, I need to talk to someone or I'll lose my fucking mind. So I look over and see Lori. Cradling her small, but visible bump. I walk over towards her and smile. She gives me a smile back. "Hey, Lori." I say to her. "Hey June." She replies back.

          I sit down next to her. "How's the baby?" Lori looks at me and smiles. She rubs her hand over her belly. "The baby is doing okay." Lori tells me. I smile at her bump and kind of imagine what I would look like with a baby bump. What I would look like with a baby in my arms. I think Lori could see on my face what I was thinking. "You'd be a great mom." I look up at her and smile. "I have to be honest... I doubt that." I say to her. She shakes her head and smiles. "No... you would. I have my regret. With what I did. To you. Treating you like dirt for so long. Keeping you away from Carl, which kept you away from Rick. Carl is lucky to have an aunt like you." Lori says to me. I have to hold back the tears, not wanting to alarm everyone.

          I hate that Rick and Lori are in this horrible state in their relationship. Lori wants to make things right, but Rick just isn't pushing. I just hope that before the baby gets here, they both make up. I see Daryl walking in the corner of my eyes. I turn and see him. He's switching shifts with T. I smile at him, but he doesn't look at me. Not sure if he purposely doesn't look at me or if he just didn't see me. "He's stressed. Give him time." I look over at Lori and give her a half smile. "We all are." She nods her head at me and looks over at Carl. "You know... I know that I will more than likely die for this baby. I know this is a high probability. And... I keep going over this speech in my head. A speech I might say to Rick and Carl." Lori says. Never taking her eyes off Carl.

          I put my hand on her knee and sigh. "Lori... that isn't going to happen. You're going to have this baby. You're going to live and you and Carl and Rick are going to be a family again. With this baby. With you alive." I say to her. The word I just spoke to her wasn't facts. It was hope. Hope that all of that come true. For Lori, for Carl, for Rick and for this baby.

          Lori never takes her eyes off of Carl. I sit up and walk away from her. I walk into the kitchen of the house we are staying in. I could see T getting everyone's plate ready. Looks like we are having canned peaches for dinner. "Daryl got his yet?" I ask him. T looks over at me and smiles. "Yeah... Carol took his plate not long ago." I slowly nod at T and look around. "You mind if I sit in here with you?" I ask him. I hear T chuckle. "Little lady... you don't ever have to ask that." I smile at T and walk over to the table and sit down. I watch as T starts taking everyone's plates out. Once it's just me and him at the table, we eat the small portion of peaches.

          After the small dinner, I decided to turn in for the night, but not before heading to the bathroom to clean up the best I could. I walk into the bathroom and sit the lamp on the sink. I close the door and remove my shirt. I grab the washing cloth and wet it with a little water and rub it over my upper body. Trying to remove as much of the dirt as I possibly could. I could see my reflection in the mirror. I had definitely lost a few pounds. I had bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep. It was weird seeing my body like this. After everything with Daryl's dad, I couldn't look at my body the same. I hated my body. But now my body, was different. It didn't look the same. It didn't feel the same.

           I put the wash cloth on the sink and put my shirt back on. I throw my jacket on right afterwards. I glance in the mirror one last time and sigh.

          I walked out of the bathroom and back into the living room. I gave everyone a small smile and laid down in my corner. I faced away from everyone and closed my eyes. I surprisingly fell asleep pretty fast.