-shawn mendes imagines-

28 : Why

 Y/N's Point of View

" So, we just wanted to know. There's a few rumors going on that you and  Y/N are dating. Is it true?" The male interviewer asked curiously. I look down at my folded hands and hear Shawn exhale. 

" No, we aren't dating. It might look like that, though. We're just really good friends." Shawn explains.

"That was very straight forward." The interviewer said awkwardly. 

"Yeah, I just want to clarify that to everyone. It makes us both a bit uncomfortable. " Shawn chuckles.

I nod my head in agreement. But in my mind, I really did like Shawn. His singing voice, his personality, his beauty. But Shawn didn't feel the same about me. I could feel it in the air whenever he was talking to me. I was just another girl who recorded a song with Shawn Mendes. Nothing special.

The interview continued. Upcoming music, dating and all that stuff. I didn't want to be around anyone right now. I just wanted to be alone with Shawn and tell him how much I liked him.

How I wanted to spend my life with him, not just make music with him.

How I wanted him to hold me in his arms.

How I wanted to be called ' his '.

It was never going to happen though. Why was I trying so hard? It's useless. Love can't be forced, no matter what. Shawn was going to get a better girlfriend. A smarter, prettier, kinder and sweeter girlfriend. Not someone like me. He just deserved someone better.

The interview was finished, I mentally cheer to myself. Don't get me wrong, I love interviews, but sometimes they just tire me out. 

After the interview.

I hug my knees closer to chest while sitting on my hotel bed. Should I ask him? But he clearly said it today.

" No, we aren't dating. It might look like that, though. We're just really good friends."

But wouldn't it not hurt to just ask. But what's that point of asking when I know that he doesn't feel the same? I was being so stupid. Everytime I liked someone, it never turned out well. Which was one of the million reasons I was so single.

I didn't want to miss the opportunity though. Maybe he just said that to stop everyone from saying things. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I needed facts here. But today, I was feeling brave. Not confident, because the majority of my brain knew that Shawn didn't like me. But the brave where I wanted to take the chance for no explainable reason.

I pick up my phone and dial Shawn's number.

" Hello?" Asked a sweet voice.

I immediately get butterflies and feel myself get nervous.

" Hi." I say, struggling to say the simplest of words.

" You okay? You sound worried. Do you need to talk about something?" He asks worriedly.

" No, well yes, Can I come over?" I whimper.

I hear a long pause on the other side. Did I freak him out?!

" Yeah, come over." He said. I let out a silent sigh of relief.

" Okay. I'll be over in a bit. "

-

I lightly tap on the door three times. I couldn't believe I was doing this.

I had a strong instinct that this was not going to well.

Shawn opens the door, smiling.

" Come in. " He says.

I nervously grin and go inside his perfectly neat hotel room. This boy was way to perfect for me.

" What's wrong? You've been acting so weird lately. Always distant, anxious and sad looking." Shawn said, immediately diving into the conversation.

I swallow the lump in throat. I cried for the stupidest reasons.

" Seriously Y/N. I'm worried. I care about you. " Shawn says sympathetically.

I sit down on his neatly made bed and look down at my feet. Shawn sits beside me, moving closer to me. I felt my eyes sting. I wasn't going to cry in his presence, not happening.

" I can't tell you. " I whisper. Even though I wasn't looking at him, I felt his gentle gaze on me.

" There's nothing that you can't tell me." Shawn says.

This boy didn't know. He didn't know how I couldn't tell him that I liked him, because he considered me as a friend.

A tear slides down the cheek. I didn't wipe it away. I already knew that I was going to cry, at the end of the day.

" Y/N don't cry." He whispered, resting a hand on my shoulder.

I let out a small sob. I try to muffle my whimpers as much as I could. Why was I crying so much?!

" You want me to tell you, right? Fine. I like you. I've liked you ever since we recorded our song together. But then you said that you thought of me as a friend. I thought of telling you for such a long time. But I thought there was no point, since you clearly didn't like me back. It just hurt me to know that I wouldn't be able to date someone that didn't like me. " I say in one breath.

I look over at Shawn. His eyes were on me and his mouth was agape, like he was thinking of what to say.

For a long time there was just silence. Silence that didn't feel like anything. It just felt like nothing.

Empty.

" I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way. I don't want to hurt you, or break your heart, but you were right. I don't like you back." Shawn whispered, peeling away his hand from my shoulder slowly.

" I don't like you back."

These were the five words I didn't want to hear today. But I did. Who was I kidding when I decided to tell him how I felt. This was stupid. I was stupid. If someone else were in my spot, they would be angry. But I felt nothing. Pure nothing.

" I'm sorry." He whispered.

I just looked down at my hands. I couldn't even see properly because of the tears blurring my vision.

" I need to leave." I say in a panic.

" Wait, Y/N! I didn't mean to-" Before Shawn could finish his sentence, I left his hotel room.

Maybe even his life.

***
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