-shawn mendes imagines-

43 : You're All I Need

Trigger warning this does involve the mentioning of suicide and cutting yourself, please read at your own risk.

***
Shawn's Point of View

" Please tell me baby." I pleaded. Y/N continued to sob uncontrollably, facing the television. I couldn't bear to see her like this. Crying, not even talking to me. " Please, Y/N. I'm begging you." I said, my voice cracking at the end. She hiccuped and continued to sob, hugging her knees to her chest.

I needed to know why she was so sad. All morning she was fine, and then as soon as the evening came, she broke down. I combed back my hair with my fingers, a few locks falling on my forehead again. I then observed Y/N. 

She looked pale. A ghostly pale. The life in her eyes was gone. No glimmer or shine. Just tears. She looked thinner. Of course, she had been skipping meals or eating less nowadays. I always asked her why, but she always came up with a random excuse that I would believe.

All the pieces were slowly falling together. I took her hand in mine, rubbing it gently. She turned to me, looking at our intertwined hands. I moved closer to her, pulling her into my lap almost. I kissed her temple and ran my fingers through her hair. 

" You don't have to tell me love. Cry it out. I'm right here. Everything will be okay." I whispered, kissing her temple again. She sniffled and continued to sob, this time into my chest. " How do you know that it's gonna be okay when you don't know what happened?" She whimpered. 

My heart broke at her words. " I just do. Everything turns out okay in the long run." I said in a gentle voice. Her crying calmed down a bit and she relaxed, her weight sinking into my chest. " Are you sure?" Y/N questioned softly. I kissed the crown of her head. " Yes baby." I said.

Her sobs calmed down a bit and her hiccuping stopped. " Can we go to bed now?" She asked in a drowsy voice. A whisper of a smile appeared on my face. I grabbed onto the back of her thighs whilst she wrapped her legs around my waist. She slung her arms around my neck and rested her cheek on my shoulder.

I carried her to our bedroom, laying her down gingerly. I placed the covers over her body. " Come sleep with me." She said in a hoarse voice. I smiled and fell into bed beside her. I pulled her frame closer to me and kissed her forehead. 

" Goodnight baby." I said.

" Goodnight." She replied, drifting off to sleep.

- 

" Y/N open the door!" I screamed tears streaming down my face. I sobbed loudly. The same could be heard from the other side of the bathroom door. " Y/N!"I screamed again with all my might. God knows what she could be doing in there. I sobbed and closed my eyes, my lips trembling.

What if she was cutting herself again? I remember when she used to do it. But after therapy, she had stopped and promised that she was never going to do it again. I banged on the door. " Y/N open the door or else I'm breaking it." I said. I knew I wouldn't be able too. My knees were too weak and my hands were shaking.

She didn't reply, but sobs could be heard from the bathroom. " I'm sorry Shawn." She whispered mournfully. I stopped moving as every fiber in my body froze. No. It couldn't be happening. I stood up from where I was sitting my the door and faced my right shoulder to the door.

I counted myself down and ran towards the door. A shot of pain went through my arms and neck. I walked backwards, counted myself down, and did the same again. The loud bangs filled the room while thoughts raced through my mind at the speed of light. Is she okay? Why was she apologizing? I was struggling to breathe as I slammed myself into the door.

I could hear choked sobs again and again. My arm was almost numb but I wasn't going to give up. " Stop it Shawn. I'm not going to open the damn door." She screamed harshly. I stopped in my tracks whilst her words rang in my ears. I slam into the door one more time, the entrance opening and a small shriek heard from the other side.

I creep through the door in a rush, awaiting for the painful scene of the love of my life hurting. My heart dropped at the sight. Y/N sat on the floor, a blade held up against her wrist. It was a few millimeters away from her skin. It made me realize that had I given up, I would've lost her. I gently, but firmly, grabbed her hand and stood her up.

She stood right in front of me, her eyes bloodshot and her cheeks tear stained. She sniffed while a tear rolled down her cheek. I crashed my lips onto hers. I cupped her cheeks and - if possible- pushed my lips further onto hers, trying to savor her taste. I let go of the kiss, new tears forming in my eyes and falling into my cheeks.

" What was that for?" She asked breathlessly. I wiped away a tear from her cheek. " 'Cause I love you." I whispered, pulling her closer to me. " Don't you dare ever even think about doing that again." I spoke, eyeing the small blade laying on the bathroom floor.

I smothered her in a hug and kissed the top of her head. She snuggled her face into my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. We stayed like that for a minute, in each others arms. " Baby?"I asked in a hushed tone. Y/N looked up at me with a tired expression." What's bothering you? I need to know. " I begged. She sniffled and pondered about it for a minute.

" People hate me Shawn. Your fans hate me. They're always telling me that I'm not good enough for you. And I believed it." She croaked in a hoarse tone. My heart dropped to the floor at her words. " I thought maybe if I was gone..." She continued.

I shushed her before Y/N could finish her sentence." Don't you dare ever think about anything like that again. They're not fans if they're thinking the love of my life is not enough for me. You're all I need. " I stroked the soft, yet wet skin on her cheek and planted a kiss on her forehead. " I need you. Forever. Promise me." I said, looking her straight in the eye. 

" Forever." She replied. 

***

Suicide doesn't end the chances of life getting worse.

Suicide eliminates the chances of it getting better.

Stay safe. ilysm. <3 <3 <3