-shawn mendes imagines-

51 : Not Your Fault

Walking carefully from the doctors office, I wrapped my scarf on more tightly. Canada's weather was no joke, sweet sunlight and warmth one day and bitter cold the next. I sighed and continued to walk, stopping at the cozy looking coffee shop that Shawn had told me to wait at. I opened the door, scanning the crowd to see if my husband was there. 

At a table in the corner, I saw him bouncing his leg up and down, looking around. He caught my glance and smiled widely, getting up. I felt my stress melt away for a moment, until it built back up again when I saw how happy he was. I didn't want to ruin it for him. I didn't want to ruin his happiness. 

I swallowed nervously and walked over to him, falling into his arms as he squeezed me tightly, kissing the top of my head. " How's my girl?" He whispered. I sighed. " Good." I mumbled. He pulled away from me and guided me to our table, ordering us a coffee. " How was your day?" I asked, stirring my beverage. 

I looked up at him. His cheeks were rosy from the cold and his hair was messy from the wind, wearing a simple yet warm jacket.  "It was nice. The albums going good. I just wanna spend more time with you." He whined. I giggled softly. " I know baby, me too. But you're doing this for your fans. Just keep on going. We'll get all the time later on. " I explained. 

He nodded. " We'll probably get all the time in the world when our little one comes around." He gushed with a grin on his face. I felt my heart drop. " Yeah." I stuttered. Shawn smiled. " On that note, how was your doctor's appointment?" He asked. I opened my mouth, preparing myself to speak. 

" It was good. They said the baby's healthy. " I mumbled, keeping my eyes on my drink and taking a small sip. Shawn stopped in his tracks and looked at me. " You sure?" He asked. I kept my gaze lowered, trying to avoid eye contact. I knew if I looked at him, I would break down. " I'm okay." I sighed. " Just a little headache." I lied. 

Shawn didn't say anything for a minute. " Okay then." He replied. I put my cup down onto the table. " Can we go home?" I asked quietly. He shook his head understandingly, paying for our drinks and extending his hand for me. I grasped it, walking out of the warm shop and into the cold weather. 

I leaned on his arm, walking over to our car that was parked on the side of the road. We sat inside, not uttering a single word. " Are you sure you're okay? You're not this quiet love." He asked worriedly. I shook my head quickly, doing my seatbelt. " There's nothing to worry about honey." I assured. 

Watching Shawn being this anxious really bothered me. I hated seeing him worried, that too, about me. He put his hands on the steering wheel with a small frown on his face. I felt my heart slowly crumble. I put a hand on his thigh. He glanced at me. " I'll tell you when we get home. Okay baby?" I promised. 

He smiled weakly and nodded. I inclined towards him, waiting for his lips to fit perfectly into mine. He pecked them, this time resting his forehead on mine. " You can trust me babe, you know that right?" He whispered. I smiled sheepishly and nodded. He pecked my nose, starting the car and driving to our home. 

-

Washing some vegetables under the sink, I hummed a random tune of one of Shawn's songs. I sighed, putting down the veggies and leaning my lower back on the counter. Shawn peeked out from the living room, scrunching his brows together. " What's wrong baby?" He asked, walking up to me and holding me by my waist. 

I smiled and shook my head. " I'm just tired. " I mumbled. He snaked one hand to the small of my back. " Is there something you wanna talk about?" He questioned. I swallowed nervously, trying to hide my discomfort. " No honey, I'm okay." I lied. 

His face still appeared expressionless. " There's something you're not telling me." He said slowly. I played around with his hair, trying to avoid the topic. " Look at me Y/N." He demanded softly. I knew he was serious form his tone and the fact that he didn't use a nickname. I felt tears sting my eyes. " What's wrong baby. Maybe I can help you." He soothed. I felt a tear drip out of my eye. 

" You can't do anything Shawn. " I muttered. Another tear escaped from my already full eyes. " Baby, what is it? I don't wanna see you hurting." He pleaded. I buried my face in his chest, hugging his waist for dear life. " Is it something with the baby?" He asked quietly. I could feel him wait for a response. 

I sniffled and nodded. " Honey, did we have a miscarriage?" He asked quietly. I was so ashamed that I didn't even have to say anything for him to understand. I just sobbed. Sobbed until I couldn't breathe and my ribcage was shaking. " Oh honey." Shawn gasped. I sobbed into his already soaked chest. 

" I'm so sorry Shawn. I didn't mean for this to happen. I knew how much you wanted this, and I ruined it for you." I stammered in between choked sobs. " Oh baby, it's not your fault. " He mumbled, planting little kisses on my crown. " Don't be sorry baby." He cood. " We'll try again." I sniffled and looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. He smiled lovingly. 

" You won't leave me for this, right?" I asked, biting my trembling bottom lip in anticipation. He chuckled, eyes glassy and smile crooked. " No baby. There's always next time. I love you too much to leave you." He said. Placing a hand on my stomach, he made little shapes soothingly. " Promise? " I asked. He pecked my lips. 

" I promise. " 

***

Hello

Yo i havent updated this in ages im so sorry dont hate me schools getting in the wayyyy 

Thank you so much for reading!