The Commander and The Girl

Chapter 6

CLARKE POV

I wake up and look around my room. I was moved into here yesterday to feel more "comfortable". I still have my drawings around the room, and her face sticks out on my walls in every inch. Most people around here have stopped trying to visit. After Murphy came Mom won't let anyone else talk to me. I know they try, I can hear them arguing outside the door. Most people probably think I'm brain dead. The great leader of the hundred bed stricken, weak, useless, forgettable. It almost feels like my use is gone. There's no war, no grounders, no end of the world. Just me in my own bedroom grieving over a love that could never have been. Love, I run my head over that word. More powerful than a fling and more meaningful than family.
"Screw this" I mutter getting out of bed pulling out all the wiring and tubes sticking out of me. I'm not going to allow my grief to overtake me. I'm stronger than that.
I look at my wall and take all my drawings down and lay them on my bed I pick out the ones of Lexa and put them in their own pile, putting the rest in my drawer.
I look at the first drawing in the pile. It was from when I saw her sitting on her throne that first day. I let a tear fall as I try to focus on the blank spots of paper. I pick the pile up and neatly put them in my bedside drawer.
I turn to the door and take a deep breathe.
"First time in weeks." I chuckle darkly.
I step to reach the door and push it open. I take a deep breathe realizing how sterile my room smells. I look to my right and see people rushing through with new weapons and to my left I see my mother arguing with someone. Gosh, she's always doing that isn't she?
I slowly walk towards her wobbling every few steps before I realize who she's yelling at.
Kane looks deeply discontented squinting his eyebrows as though my mother were insane. I really thought they were hitting it off. Guess a lot's happened in two weeks.
I walk closer to them careful not to be noticed.

"She's not a child Abby, she needs to come with me to Polis." Kane says visibly frustrated.

"Yes she is Marcus! She's barely an adult and you want her to go to Polis with you to what, choose out who of our people will die?" Mom patronizes.

"She doesn't need your protection and without her persuasion we may not just lose a handful of people!...Abby we could lose everyone."
Persuasion? Were they going to sell me off? Wanheda is gone, dead. I'm not that person anymore, yet I suppose anyone in the other clans would say differently. Ontari probably wants my head on a pike right now. Let her try.

I walk opposite of Mom and go to the mess hall. I look around at everyone waiting at the open doors. It takes a while for everyone to notice, but when they do it all goes silent. I try not to be embarrassed and search the crowd for a familiar face. A young girl, probably in her early teens, walks up to me with big green eyes. I stare at them contently trying not to break until I hear what she's saying.
"Thank you."
I'm taken aback, "For what?"
"Everything. If it weren't for you, none of us could have made it." She looks up at me as though I were her role model. A murmur of agreement flows through the room. I look around and realize the room mainly consisted of the original hundred, or what's left of it. The silence disappears as everyone starts talking again. She starts to leave before I grab her wrist.
"Where's Octavia?"
"No ones seen her since you came back."
"Raven?"
"That's easy," she chuckles, " she's outside helping with the Rovers."  I let go of her wrist and watch as she settles back in with her table group.
I walk to the back of the room where the food is and grab an apple, eating it as I go through my options. I haven't had a meal not consisting of slop since Polis. As I go though the food line people often pack my back or thank me. I don't deserve it even though I mumble a "thanks" after each one.
I'm just the one who took the credit for all the lives taken  to keep us whole.
After grabbing another apple I walk outside towards the roofed area with the rovers. I look around as I step outside of the Ark. It's greener than I remember. There's kids playing ball, gardens being tended, and a faint smell of weed. I look to my right to see Jasper frolicking with the kids. That's where the smells coming from. I smirk to myself before making my way to Raven.
I look around the garage.
"Raven?" No response. "Raven!?" I walk deeper into the building as I hear a faint squeaking of wheels. I turn around   too late as I'm practically tackled in a hug.
"I knew you'd come out!" She says a smile enveloping her face. I stand storm cold forcing myself to spit out,
"W-What?"
"You're bedroom! No ones seen you in days! The last report we got from Murphy mainly consisted of  how much of a "priss" your mom was."
"Murphy he's still here? I thought he'd of left after that." I lightly say.
"I thought so too, but turns out that girlfriend of his really likes it here."
"Girlfriend?" How much did I miss?
"Yea you remember Emori? Turns out they did a lot more than talk on that long trip no one knows about." Raven's smile forces me to be happy. It's one of the things I love about having her as my friend. I punch her in the arm before helping her out, as she explains what's been going on the last couple of days while I was out. She says most of the people anonymously chose me as their leader during the time away, but soon elected Kane as chancellor when I didn't show my face.
"I would've voted for you."  Raven reassures me with a wink. I laugh but I don't think I would've taken it even if I wasn't locked in my room all that time.
I try to ask her about where Kane's going but she just shakes her head at me as if I'm crazy.
"There's no need to go anywhere. We have the woods for food, a river nearby, and farms right here in our own sanctuary." She says form under a rover.
"You don't even want to go explore anymore?"
Raven slides back out from under the truck and looks me dead in the eye.
"You know what happened last time we left."
Right Finn. A chill goes through the air as I look down at her trying not to break down.
"I think I'll be going." I say backing away from the rover. Without a sound she slides back under fixing what was never an issue. So I guess Finn is still a sore spot for her.
I look around dropping the core of my apple in one of the compost piles and spot Bellamy being closely watched by two guards.
"Hey Bell!" I say as I walk up to him. His whole group was taken off the high ground with the help of the grounders that were brought with us. Pike has been in jail since I got back, and according to the gossip I've picked up Bellamy was let free by Kane but to be monitored at all times.
He looks at me gruffly before going back on his aimless walk.
"Bellamy look at me!" He turns his head and looks with a fire no one ca extinguish.
"You did this to me." He says coldly.
"Me? Bellamy these were your own actions which almost got everyone killed."
"My actions?! I was following a leader who knew what was inevitable. War. Whether you like it or not those savages won't listen to reason. I'm sorry you weren't here to lead Princess, but I chose to listen to the only man here with reason!" He yelled in my face.
"Is reason almost killing Lincoln?"

Bellamy looked at me and went silent.
"How'd you know about that?"
I look behind him and see his guards eyeing him at the sound of our argument.
I drop my voice.
"My mom's not exactly the quiet one."
He looked up at me his eyes brimming with tears.
"Have you seen her? No one's told me anything about her."
"Sorry Bellamy, I haven't. No one has."
He looks at me and spits right in my eye.
"That's your fault as well." He hisses.
I lift my hand to wipe my face before I exploded.

"I did not turn you into this Bellamy you did! You can't blame me for all your mistakes you made while I was gone! Your sister your responsibly right!? So grow up and own it!" I yelled.

He looked down at me.
"That's just it!" He shouts.
"You left me! You left me to lead our people all because you had to kill those people in the mountain! Guess what Princess I had to as well! Yet you still left me! And when you finally come back you're near dead! Dead! I needed you Clarke! I need you."
He said those last words hunched as if he were broken.

"Time to go Bellamy." One of the guards said grabbing his arm. I watched as he looked down and walked away. My vision blurring as tears hit the ground.