The Commander and The Girl

Chapter 12

CLARKE POV
I watch as Lexa leaves her head hung down. She couldn't actually believe her life is disposable right? I look back out focusing on the stones surrounding the window. Everything I touch destroys or dies. Tondc, Wells, Finn.
I crumble to the ground suddenly feeling numb. To anyone normal, figuring out your partner was alive would've been a miracle. It would be something to rejoice in, but I'm anything but normal.
I'm daughter of Abby Griffin of head Council and Kane's right hand. I'm the leader of The 100, a group that has massacred countless innocents. I'm a murderer who's taken 904 lives. I'm Wanheda.
And even through it all I'm the vulnerable girl who had the Commander of 12 clans fall for her.
My life on Earth has been fueled by anger, mistrust, betrayal, hope, and love, yet for the last 2 weeks all I've felt is grief. I don't know why but neither of us can trust each other again. Lexa doesn't look at me the same, I don't look at her the same either. She's shut off, distant, but not from my actions. It's from the actions of others. No matter what we do it hurts the other.
I'm Clarke Griffin. I'm a pawn stuck in the middle of a war able to kill or protect the king.
I drag myself to the bed not bothering to change. My hair mattes under the weight of my head as I sink deeper into the bed. I drift to sleep not caring about what happens to me or my people.

It's dark out when I'm shaken awake.
"Clarke.. Clarke you need to wake up now."
I jolt awake squinting to see who's in front of me.
Octavia looks at me for a moment before pouring a bucket of water over my head. My eyes widen at the shock before I move to the other side of my bed and relax deeper into the furs.
"What was that for?" I say.
"You need to get up." Octavia reply's annoyed.
"What do you want Octavia. If it's Lexa, I think we'd be better off not talking."
I mumble dozing off.
I hear a match spark and see a bright light behind my eyelids. In the time I've taken to get comfortable in my wet clothes she's managed to light every candle in the room.
Finally I open my eyes to see Octavia and Lincoln mumbling about me as if they're disappointed parents.
"Fine I'm up." I mutter grabbing a towel.
"Why'd you need to pour water on me if you're just going to wait for me to wake up?"
Octavia did a once over my hair before replying.
"I'm pretty sure I did you a favor." I hear Lincoln chuckle before handing me a brush. I roll my eyes at him as I take it.
"Really though why did you wake me up?"
I ask combing through my hair. Damn it really is a mess. I swear I've already yanked half of it out. Guess two weeks of constant sleep does that.
"The ambassadors are all having a meeting about whether or not to go to war with us."
Lincoln says sternly.
"And? Whatever they've done is on them. I'm not their leader anymore if you remember."
I huff drying off my shirt.
"They're mad about the massacre Pike took while their warriors were sleeping. Clarke they want to kill Bellamy." Octavia insists.
"Octavia you saw Bellamy, he's dug his own hole and I'm not helping him out of it." At this point I'm getting annoyed.
"Clarke what happened to you?" Octavia walked towards me.
"What happened to the leader who never left one of their own behind? Your people are going to die and you just want to sit and watch?"
Octavia steps closer, so close I can see her eyes tear up in anger.
I close the space moving closer.
"I almost died Octavia. I thought Lexa died. I was forgotten, and I've finally come to realize I can't save anyone." I hiss.
Octavia raises her hand and slaps me across the face. I stumble backwards onto my mattress.
"That's just it! You survived, Lexa never died and you are about to let your people die just for your own grief!"
Her words sting like poison.
"I was kept under the floor for my entire life, hiding! But I'm not hiding now, and I'll be damned to let you believe you're forgotten! Those people in Arkadia believe in you to show them a better life. They have not forgotten you, yet you are forgetting them!"
I had to look away from her gaze as tears bit my eyes.
I swallowed my emotions and stood meeting her height.
"Where's the meeting."

After I've dried off, I head to the Council room Lincoln helping to lead the way. Octavia's already there as Kane's guard. No one believes her as a true Trikru no matter how much she does for them, so she's accepted it and represents us no matter her opinions.
Lincoln pauses at the doors and turns to me. I give him a stern nod and he opens it.
Voices hush to a silence at my late arrival.
Lincoln steps out of the way so I'm in the entrance. I look around and see everyone look with disgust, besides Roan. He actually seems impressed.
"Wanheda, so it seems you're here as another trading bargain." He snickers, remembering the first time I was in this room.
"Actually that's not the reason why I'm here." I snap back.

"Then why are you here. Clarke." I look up to see Lexa looking straight at me, emotionless. If she's happy I'm here I sure don't know it.

"Last I checked I was still the ambassador of Skaikru." I look at Kane who seems relieved. He leaves his chair and moves to the right of it, allowing me to take the seat.

"So." I look around commanding the room. "Where were we?"