The Commander and The Girl

Chapter 14

CLARKE POV
I'm locked in my room. I've tried to threaten them but nothing works. I've started to carve into the wooden frame of the couch. I wasn't left with much paper nor charcoal, so this is the best I have.
I mostly slash at the wood angrily.
Who do those ambassadors think they are? One command by me and they will all die. All of them! I don't even notice Octavia's in the room until she speaks.
"So you made quite the impression." She says snarkily.

"I thought you told me to protect my people. I did." I say blatantly.

"Not by sending us to war Clarke. Kane agreed to give them the group, to give them Bellamy!" She shouts irritated.

"He can't do that! I'm the ambassador!" I yell.

"Well it sure looks like it. He's leaving at sunrise to get them with Indra as witness." She looks straight at me as if challenging me.
I stand to meet her eyes.
"I did what you told me to, and now I'm getting scolded for it?" I question.
"I didn't ask you to do that." She states burning holes right through me.
I'm about to say something before I hear a voice from outside the room.
"Yes she's here, Heda would you like to go in?" one of the guards asks.

We both go silent awaiting for her to enter. The doors open and she walks in, in a rather happy mood compared to her last.

"I should get going." Octavia states before leaving.

"What do you want from me, besides to tell me of the decision you and Kane came up with." I implore.
Lexa waits until the doors are shut before answering.
Catching onto my mood her face turns cold.

"What happened back there Clarke?"
She looks disappointed.

"I said what I had to, to protect my people." I remark.

"That's not what I heard. You threatened my people in front of all the ambassadors and said you could kill them all."

I look down suddenly regretting my actions.
"I didn't mean it like that. I- I just want peace."

"Those ambassadors think otherwise. They believe I should kill you in front of the city to gain your power. You claim you couldn't have done anything else, yet Kane has made a wonderful suggestion that all of us agree with." she reprimands.

"All but me."
I whisper.

"Clarke. Who have you become?"
I look up to meet her eyes. It feels like I've been asked this a hundred times.

"I don't know ok!" I scream.
"I've been stuck in my room for the past week sulking about losing you, then I see you here and I don't know how to act! You're cold, brute, you seem all the commander you should be! You didn't even try to talk to me at first! You finally regained your power without me, the power I took away. I didn't want to get close again. The last time I did I barely survived." I start to get quieter.
"I just didn't want to feel that pain again. Then I'm told I need to protect my people and I let all my anger out. I don't even know what I tried to accomplish."
At this point I'm quietly sobbing on the ground of my own mess.
Lexa hasn't moved from her spot, she just looks down at me.
"Clarke you left me. I didn't know what to do so I just listened to the past commanders. They were all strong headed and led me to protect my people, not my feelings. I tried to talk to you, I truly did. Then you make a mockery of me I front of everyone!" I can feel her anger radiated off of her.
"You could've told me you know. Instead I have to deal with the flocks of people wanting your head. Do you realize how crazy I look? I'm still protecting a girl who everyone believes died and her first response was to push me away! I tried to be helpful, I put you on that council to help gain their trust, then you throw it all away!" She walks to my dresser and throws a glass vase. Her breathing is haggard.
"I thought we still had something. You know when I came into your room yesterday. I couldn't see it, but I forced myself to believe it was there. I guess I was wrong." She whispers.
I stand up and look at her, fully. Her eyes were wet, hair was down. She looked vulnerable, all just for me. I walk to her and press her lips against mine trying to convey the emotions I can't say. She breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes searching. When she finds what she's looking for she leans back in holding onto my head like a lifeline.
We stop and press our for heads against one another's.
"I'm so sorry." I whisper tears falling.
"So am I." She holds onto me as though I may break, and we stay like that until we both have stopped crying.

Lexa dries off her face and solemnly looks at me.
"I'm sorry it has to be like this."
I nod trying not to cry again.
"There's a meeting in the morning. Gaia will take you to it. We'll be discussing your fate." She says not making eye contact.
"I understand" I squeak out giving her a weak nod.
She looks at me gratefully before leaving.
I curse at myself. If I hadn't done this we could've been happily together, but of course that's not how life works. She's a commander and I'm just a girl.