The Commander and The Girl

Chapter 20

LEXA POV
I watch as Clarke is revealed from the warriors. I should've known she would come one way or another.. King Roan looks at her with a sly smirk. I stare at him intensely. Maybe I should've killed both of them that day, it would surely make this easier. The past commanders taunt me for allowing this mockery. They fuel my emotions to a point where I can't hide them.
"Clarke." I say not trying to mask my anger.
"What business do you have here?"

She looks up at me sheepishly.
"I just wanted to see the discussion, not be apart of it."

"If that's the case then you may leave. Nothing you say will change your punishment." I say the last part towards the ambassadors.
She begins to leave until the ambassador of Delfikru speaks up.
"Wait." Her voice makes Clarke holt. I hold my breathe in anticipation.
"Did you know most of the warriors you killed in the massacre were children." Clarke sank into herself shaking her head.
"They were sent to protect you, young girls and boys learning what it is to be a warrior. To protect others, not themselves, yet you killed them all." The ambassador urged Clarke to understand what she'd done. Clarke's mask was broken beyond repair. She stood limply. Her body's thinned and demeanor has immensely shallowed. She looks at the Ambassador like she's seeing a ghost.

"That was not Clarke, that was a lone group!" Abby interferes.

"A group that was created because I wasn't there to help. I caused it Mom and I'm going to have to live with it." Clarke looked so sad I wanted to comfort her, but knew at this point I could do nothing.

"The actions made by Skaikru and Clarke will forever be her burden to carry. She will remember each life she took, a fate more painful than death." Everyone nods as if they're finally content with her broken state.
I look through the back walls until I see her.
"Octavia bring Clarke back to her room."
She tilts her head down.
"Yes Heda."
I may not be able to comfort her, but Octavia can.
Octavia tried to keep what confidence Clarke has intact as she merely trails Clarke out the doors. I keep my composure lethal, daring anyone to begin whispering about this recent eruption.
It's silent up until the door shuts behind them.
"The assassins will arrive by the full moon. We will give our justice as our new fleimkepa arises." Gaia steps forward nodding in her approval. She turns to me for conformation.
"You may all leave the presence of Heda now." She says.
Everyone leaves besides a few stragglers. Kane has to almost drag Abby out. I understand though, she thinks of Clarke as my prisoner. I guess she really is. Roan leaves shortly after them eyeing me the whole time, I'm sure he has had fun watching Clarke. Lincoln is the last one left surprisingly. Indra and Gaia stay to my side and I nod for the doors to close.

Lincoln bows to one knee before rising.
"Heda, Indra, I ask to be allowed to stay in the capitol with Octavia. Clarke will need time to readjust and I believe it would be good for her to have someone she knows near."
I nod surprised in his request.
It's not a bad idea to try and ease Clarke into Polis.
"You may take her guards duty when you both awaken. You may stay in her room and must alert the guards when you leave her throughout the day. Don't go soft and let her wander wherever though." He looks at me awkwardly for a moment.
"For her protection." I quickly add trying to regain my posture.
Lincoln bows then leaves trying not to waver.

I stand from my throne to leave before Indra blocks me.
"Heda are you sure this is wise."
"What is Indra." I've become annoyed with others meddling.
"Clarke is a threat to you and this tower. Many want her dead yet you can't take it upon yourself to kill her. I know you share feeling for her but those feelings are a void of weakness." I stop her and take a step forward.
"You'd be wise not to call me weak again." I growl.
"Clarke is staying, and that's my final say. My feelings are not my weakness." I pause thinking of Clarke. I drop my mask and truly look at Indra.
"They are my strength."
I walk through her to the doors letting myself out. I turn the corner of the hallway and take a few deep breathes.
I look up trying to hold in my tears.
Maybe my feelings are making me weak.
Maybe weakness is for the better.
I walk aimlessly before realizing I'm outside Clarke's door.
I knock once, then twice when I hear a shuffling to the door.

"Lexa I didn't know you'd come." Octavia says surprised.

"Is Clarke here?" I ask.
She gives a soft tilt of the head and moves allowing me in. She closes the door behind us staying on the outside. I look around to see Clarke's moved a bench against the foot of the window.

"I'm sorry." She whispers not taking her eyes off the outside. Before I can respond she looks at me.
"I shouldn't have come to the meeting. It was stupid and headstrong of me." She looks back out "I've probably lost all chances of ever leaving this place." She mutters.

"It's not your fault Clarke. My people have forever lived by drus drein drus daun so when I tried to change it overnight I should've known there would be retaliation." I stare at walls, the scratches being an easy thing to focus on.
"I became weak. All because I met you." I walk towards her and sit down on the opposite side of her.
"You're not weak. You never were. Love makes you strong, it gives you something to fight for. Without love there'd be no will." She doesn't look away from the window, but I can see a tear drop roll down her face.
We both sit there silently looking out at nothing I particular.

"Would you rather be with me if I wasn't the commander?" I ask, so softly it disappears in the wind.
"Just a warrior in a small village, only responsible for myself and not 12 clans." She reaches down and grabs onto my hand.

"Lexa, I'd want you either way." She says softly squeezing my hand. I squeeze back and move in closer to the window. She leans in and rests her head on my shoulder.
I look down at our hands intertwined.

"Don't feel sorry Lexa. I know it wasn't your choice to keep me here. I think I'll be fine staying here." She drifts off, leaning closer into my shoulder. Soon her breathing becomes constant and I'm sure she's asleep.
I softly lift her head and pick her up. I walk her to the bed and cover a large fur on top of her. She moves around a bit, unconsciously trying to get comfortable. I smile unconsciously at the sight.
I move the hair away from her face and kiss her on the forehead taking in her calmness and content.
"What happened to us." I whisper.
"I love..." my voice cracks at the phrase.
"I'll always protect you Clarke." I feel my eyes watering and look up trying to stop from crying.
When my breathing's normalized I head out the door looking back to Clarke.
I step out of the door and walk to the lift. I hadn't realized how long I was with Clarke for, as the Nightbloods were already walking through the corridor. They chuckle among each other talking with Gaia until they see me. They immediately straighten up and stop bowing their heads.
"I apologize for our informality." Gaia says.
"No bother, Gaia nothings happening today correct?"
"Besides the afternoon trainings, no Heda."
With a nod I leave them hearing them talk again once I leave. It's nice to see them loosen up a bit, one day they'll be at each others necks.
I finally make my way to my bedchambers and practically collapse onto my bed. I sleep in not caring that the ambassadors are all here, they can entertain themselves, all I wanted was to finally rest knowing Clarke was safe.