The Commander and The Girl

Chapter 38

CLARKE POV
I turn my heel and walk away from Lexa. Maybe it's true, maybe she never changed. I will always be a convenience to her. I purse my lips as I keep walking, going to the only place I can.
When I make it to the training grounds I see Octavia already there. Talking quietly to Indra. They both are overseeing the Nightbloods training as Gaia leads them.
I sigh softly and walk to the ledge Octavia is standing at.
The Nightbloods fight deftly, if with real weapons they would've killed one another.
"What will happen to the Natblida Azgeda has?" I ask looking down at them. To my knowledge she hasn't left Polis, yet.

"That is up to Heda. If she decides, she will train here with Gaia along with the rest of the Natblidas." Indra states looking at her daughter.

"Do you trust Ontari?" I ask trying to sway my mind from my biggest fear.

"Not one bit." Octavia seethes.

We're silent as we watch them train and I now feel guilty for ruining their conversation. Lexa quickly walks to the arena beelining for Gaia. Each Nightblood bows as Indra begins to walk down to greet Lexa. Octavia and I are the only ones left overseeing them all. I scowl as Lexa speaks so calmly to Gaia. It seems she could make time to speak with her and not me. Octavia scoffs next to me.

"What?" I say with a tint of annoyance.

"You two can never figure it out huh? First you both spend the night with each other and now you can't stand to look at her?" She smirks as she looks at me.

"Octavia it's really none of your business."

"Yet you still want to tell me." Octavia raises her eyebrows as I turn to face her.

"Ok, fine! Yes I'd love to actually talk to someone about this." I admit letting my tension drop.
"After she leaves." I add looking back to Lexa.

"Of course." Octavia replies exaggeratedly.
I stand nervously watching as Lexa finally leaves with Gaia on her tail. Indra orders the children and they all stand in line following her. Once the arena is clear I hop down from the ledge and let out a breath.

"Really, it's that bad?" Octavia jokes.
I start walking not wanting to look at her while I talk.

"So you already know about Lexa and I. Well I don't even know our relationship anymore. We're together alone for one day then break out into an argument the next." I kick pebbles in my wake.
"Like I thought we finally could be happy today. Nothing's happening to screw things up and people are finally coming around to my presence. Then I go to speak with her and she orders me around like I'm one of her servants!" Octavia strides up and places a hand on my shoulder before I implode.

"Well I guess that's just Lexa and Clarke for you huh?"
I still don't make eye contact.
"I guess," I turn to face Octavia, stopping in my tracks.
"But what if I want more than just a nice time, or a small act of affection? I get that our relationship is conveyed as weak, but are we even in a relationship?" I huff and sit on a stump. I stare at a tree, marking each individual leaf and branch.

"Tell her." Octavia says blandly.

"You think I haven't thought of that already?" I push.

"No, actually. Sit her down and tell her." Octavia has a voice of authority, as if she's lived this before.

"Why did you and Lincoln have it so easy?" I ask laughing lightly looking past to the pebbles on the ground.

"Because he isn't the Commander of 13 clans." She snickers picking me up by the arm. I smile and we walk back arm in arm.