The Assassin Queen

Twenty Four: Excuse

^^Asher's wolf on media^^

Dasha Pov

I stand on the deck of the ship, leaning against the railing, the wind gently blowing my dark hair around.

I gaze into the sea, the beautiful, enchanting sea. I can Feel it, everybody of water calls me.

I sense it, and it beckons me.

Wield, wield, wield

It seems to chant at me, And I find myself constantly struggling to resist the call.

Because what I have not told anyone, is that even though I feel terrified every time I wield, I also feel complete and fulfilled.

Like a missing limb finally returned, I revel and hum with absoluteness every time.

It's a constant call, a pull, a tug that summons me by name.

But I resist, I deny the call.

I am a danger to all those around me because I discovered I can also sense and wield the water within a human body.

I found that out when Remy drank water and I sensed it and tugged gently

causing Remy to tumble to the floor gagging and choking as I pulled the water out of him, causing it to pour out his mouth.

I had screamed when it happened, realizing I could have frozen him or took all the water from inside him, destroying him.

Just like I had killed those soldiers, I hadn't been able to stop myself at that time.

I am a ticking time bomb because one day I'll end up hurting someone.

I turn and look towards the front of the ship, Lucien stands behind the wheel.

Lucien refuses to talk to me, I don't understand why.

Not that I've been particularly talkative these past days.

Most days I just stand and gaze at the sea, the sea's color reminding me so greatly of a certain individual's eyes, sea-green eyes which I haven't seen in what feels like centuries.

Other times I spend time with Amir, oh yes that's another thing.

This ship has room for horses, all our horses are jammed below deck.

Never seeing the light of day.

I visit and talk to Felix every day, hoping, and wishing he'd wake up.

But he hasn't.

"Dahlia, " Odessa says from beside me, I don't startle, no, I had already sensed the water within her.

"I've told you, it's Dasha."

She sighs" Fine Dasha, we need to discuss how you should behave when we arrive in Ravkah"

I roll my eyes, there is a manner in which  I should act now.

"Since you are the last heir of Ravkah, you will need to behave like a royal," Odessa says

Here we go again.

" I'll behave however I please Odessa" I mumble

"Come on Dasha, you need to play your part or else we will most likely get killed"

I couldn't care less

"Dasha how dare you say that! I am tired of this!" She shouts

Had I said that out loud? I inwardly shrug. The gaping emptiness inside me doesn't allow me to truly care.

"Look at me, Dahlia!" And something in the way she said that name had me abruptly staring at her, the name stirs something within me.

My mind grasping for a hidden memory, I was restless and itchy in my own mind. But for the life of me, I could not remember.

Odessa stares at me with such raw intensity it proves difficult to meet her gaze.

"What are you doing, what is your behavior accomplishing!" She hisses at me, out of everyone she is the only one to speak to me like this. Instead of tiptoeing around me.

" I... I.. Nothing, I am accomplishing nothing." I say coldly, and in my tone, I feel the raging ice within me.

My life is utterly meaningless...

" And that is the point isn't it Odessa, my existence accomplishes nothing, I am nothing. Felix-- a prince -- threw his life away for a nothing" I say, bitterness adding an edge to my voice.

Odessa watches me closely, her brown eyes dark and sharp.

"I understand that you deny your birthright so I will not push it, continue to believe what you like." She says, her voice holding a sharp edge.

"But understand this, you can not continue to wallow in self-pity" I flinch at her words

"You can not continue to use Felix as an Excuse! As a crutch to justify your actions. Do you believe yourself to be the only one to have experienced loss! I've had my share of pain and grief Dasha" her words cut me deeper than any blade, and I bled and bled.

I look away from her to the sea, do I truly use Felix as an excuse?

"You're problem is that you think the world revolves around you" It would have hurt less if Odessa had slapped me.

" When in reality your citizens are suffering. Enduring and withstanding oppression, and you Dasha, you could help them....but you don't, you don't care." I hear Odessa stomp away.

My emotions burn and boil inside me with such intensity and ferocity, I shuddered with the effort of holding back my tears.

A sharp icy chill runs down the base of my spine, I want to scream, I want to rage at the unfairness of the world.

Every time I thought of Felix, my friend--not the Prince -- my soul bled.

The grief overwhelmed me and shattered me whole, broke me into sharp, jagged pieces. I desperately wanted to be put back together, to be whole, scarred forever-- I knew-- but at least whole.

But maybe, just maybe I could put myself together, not for me but for those who needed me to be whole.

And once this battle is won, once I was no longer needed then I could fall apart. Then I could stop pretending to be fine, then would I shriek, wail and scream till this anguish inside me vanished ...or till I did.

And so in that bright and sunny day-- so unlike how I felt-- I donned my relinquished armor, piece by piece.

First my smirk, the dangerous glint of my eyes, and finally my nonchalant demeanor.

I would don my armor, and I would not care about my own emotions, my feelings.

I would lock my shattered heart away and throw the key, I could do this.

I always have done what was required of me, haven't I.

I pull my shoulders back and stand tall as I made my way to find Odessa.

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I listened to Evermore while writing this. It doesn't really go with the chapter but whatever 😆