Part 18

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As the day progressed Shashank got busy with a surgery.. Juhi finished her rounds.. while walking back she peeped into his cabin to find it empty.. Slightly upset she walked back to her cabin.. The war between her heart and mind had left her disoriented.. It was past 1pm.. she decided to join Shashank for lunch. So she walked to his cabin only to find it empty again...  Dejected, she walked to the nurse station and asked Sister Philo about him..
Sis . Philo told her that he had two back to back surgeries since morning., The second one is on.. not sure when he will be done.. Juhi wondered how that slipped out of her mind ...
Sis. Philo noticed Juhi to be upset and asked her if everything is fine? Juhi nodded her head saying everything is good and walked back to her cabin..

Hunger was the last thing on her mind right now.. she decided to skip lunch and sent a word to Sis. Philo , to not disturb her for an hour.. After all that happened since that dreadful evening, she needed to clear the chaos in her mind...
Juhi sat in her cabin, eyes shut... recalling how Shashank took care of her last night, how he consoled her, made her feel secure and never crossed the line even though she gave up herself to him fully in that vulnerable state last night.. She realised the amount of respect and care he has and always had for her.. And he never expected her to reciprocate his feelings.. that's how selfless he was.....
She realised she meant the world to him. Nobody could love her the way he did..
In return she had only hurt him by her actions and words so far and still he never complained or counteracted her.. that is his love for her..
He deserved all the love . Her marriage was only a farce and her so called husband didn't deserve  her love, tears, feelings.. nothing..

The only way to mend this and bring back the twinkle in his eyes was....... she made up her mind..

Impatient to meet him, she walked to his cabin again.. He hadn't returned from the OT yet.. she entered his cabin .. his aftershave aroma still lingered in the cabin.. she took a lung full of the air like she needed it to survive.. She walked to his chair and ran her hand over his blazer hung back on the chair.. She needed to apologise to him, and tell him how much she loves him too..
After spending a few minutes she walked back to her cabin, blushing all by herself.. She informed Sis. Philo to inform her when Shashank is back in his cabin..
Around 4pm Sis. Philo came into her cabin and informed that Dr. Shashank is back in his cabin.. And also informed her that he is not in one of his great moods today.. Juhi knew the reason for his not-so good mood and smiled to herself.....

 Juhi knew the reason for his not-so good mood and smiled to herself

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She walked to his cabin... knocked on his door.. she heard a feeble 'come in' .. She walked in and closed the door behind.. She saw him resting his head on his chair, eyes closed.. His hair slightly disheveled..
Shashank opened his eyes slowly and noticed Juhi standing before him..
Juhi asked "How did the surgery go? You look tired..
"Teek tha... Do back to back surgeries thi isiliye thoda tired hu .. he answered with his eyes closed..
He avoided looking at her coz he didn't want Juhi to see how vulnerable and helpless he is.. how much he wants to hold on to her and this relationship..... But the uncertainty of their relationship troubled him.. Moreover he is unsure if she will ever be happy with him.. He felt she still didn't understand his feelings for her after all that she said that morning.... And that did hurt him somewhere..

Juhi again spoke out "Apne kuch khaya"
Shashank answered "Bhuk nahi hai.. I ve asked Arvind to get me a cup of coffee.."
He then asked her.. Kuch kaam tha Juhi..??
Juhi felt sad since he was being so formal
Nahi bas aise hi aayi..!!! theek h baad mai milti hu apse...,"  She briefed a smile and walked out..
Shashank felt even more helpless.. unsure if she would heed to his feelings and stay back or not.. But being a practical man, this time he let his mind rule over his heart and calmed himself saying let's hope for the best....

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