Pick your poison (BNHA Villains X Reader) COMPLETE

Smile (Dabi X Reader)

Warning, the relationship will depict an abusive relationship, an urge of self harm, and a borderline PTSD flashbacks.

If you're uncomfortable with that, please read with caution.

Regrets? You have a whole lot of them.

Too many to count.

One of them?

Meeting him.

The man that changed your life.
The man who ruined your life.
The man who destroyed your integrity.

Dabi is a name that is deemed poisonous to you. It was the name that betrayed you, destroyed you...
It was the name that you used to love and cherish and respect. Now all you have for him is a burning resentment, that burns severely than his cremation.

Your heart burned for him back then. Now all that was left if that heart are cinders and withered dreams and the identity he destroyed.

The Y/N you used to be disappeared, gone, reduced into cinders. All that was left is a miserable mess he made out of you. The Y/N you used to be was destroyed by him, that bastard.

Smile, if he wants you to.

Smile, is what what he loved to tell you.

Smile, in all of those times where he pounded you, teased you, manipulated you, tortured you, played you, humiliated you.

Smile, while he kissed other people in front of you.

Smile, while he explains that the kiss was nothing and you are his one and only.

Smile, as if what he was doing was not hurting you.

Your hands trembled on your sides, raging emotions mixed and boiled in your systems. Tears soon stubbornly fell from your eyes, memories of him came flashing forward in your mind.

Unwanted memories of him stubbornly played in your thoughts despite your pure resentment, tears forcefully falling down your face and you can't even stop them.

The razor blade resting by the side of the sink seems to be calling your name, begging for you to satisfy your demon's needs.

Your breathing ceased, and your struggles commenced as his voice seems to echo in the room you were in.

Clawing your neck, you struggled to take a breathe. Even if you try to breathe, your chest hurts and your throat was sealed tight. Lips quivered as you kept your misery to yourself, a muffled sob erupting from your throat, covering it with your palm.

"You're nothing without me."

"I love you oh so much, babe."

"It was just Himiko I was kissing. I don't even like her."

"Don't worry, you're the only one I love."

"You're useless. No wonder no one likes you."

His words from before continued to bother you. And you desperately wanted it to stop, but it just won't stop.

To think that you used to see them as romantic gestures... It was sad to think that you were the one at fault, you were the dumb one, you HAD to play the dumb one to avoid getting on his bad side.

Oh how you wanted to slap yourself back then.

Even if he left you, his words continued to plague your existence.
It made you question your existence. It made you want to end your existence.

He lies, while you smile. He laughs while you suffer... and in the end, he pretends to not know that he's the reason why you were drowning.

His playful and teasing nature was an addition to what drew you in. He was intriguing, his compelling aura immediately drew you in. He made you astounded and with your curious nature, he easily lured you in his trap.

The blood was in your hands, the reflection in the mirror seems to change into something you're not... And you did it all for him.

The bright light by the mirror drew you in, as you reached your fingers out, the warmth radiating off the exposed light bulb was the most comfortable warmth you have ever experienced... Dabi was either too cold or too hot for your comforts, but you persevered and held onto him like everybody else does not exist. You held onto him like he was the only person in your life... You held onto him, even he was hurting you.

Even if the light was compelling you, the warmth it radiated was comfortable from afar... But as soon as you touched it, it's deceiving façade made you pull away when the hot surface burned you... Like what he did to you.

You knew he was trouble when he walked in... (AaaH! Ahhh! Trouble, trouble-)

And you were idiotic to let him in. You were an idiotic to let him exploit your weaknesses. You were a fool to let him deceive you. You were a fool who always turned a blind eye... You were a fool for not leaving him immediately once you felt the red flags being tugged on, being raised.

But there was no use to blame yourself when the damage's done.

But why does self-loathing seems to call for your name? Perhaps it was the aftermath of a breakup... A break up from two years ago.

But know this, there is no rush in recovery. But if you really want to recover, all you gotta do is to believe, to let go, to accept, to move on.

Not everything in the past is needed. All that matters is to enjoy the present and to expect the future.

You don't need to wallow in your despair because of one boy that broke your heart, wallow for the boy who didn't deserve your love.

You looked up at the mirror, taking in the changes.

Changes are inevitable.

It's your choice to change for the better or for the worst.

If one can't change for the worst, it doesn't mean they can't do it for the better.

Your calloused hands gently traced your features... Your features that he did not appreciated enough. Through the tears and snot, a smile emerges from your features. It was forced, but it was working. The first step of change.

And for the second step...

You glanced at the razor blade by the sink. You took the small, yet dangerous device from the porcelain sink and gazed at it. The dangerous glint shone upon your eyes, as you now know what to do.

You set the thin thing in the toilet bowl, and watched as it swam around, before flushing it down.

Hurting yourself is never the answer amidst crisis' such as this. Reach out. Asking for help does not make you weak. You can help your mind to trust your body. Ignore the voices in your head that plagued you with poisonous thoughts.

It felt refreshing to let things go. And you wished that you'll have more improvements for the mere future.

You got out of the bathroom and into your room, to see the photographs of him all around. Your took one from your wall, gazing longingly at it, before crumpling it and tossing it in the trashcan. You repeated this process until your room was free from his images.

For once, you were actually smiling to set yourself free from his shadows... You look forward for what the future will offer.

Once every once of memories of him vanished from your room, you looked down at your neck. It was a choker given by him, with a lovely amber pendant. You gently grasp the thing by your neck, before yanking it off and throwing it in the bin.

You were smiling as you felt your neck being freed from his shackles.

He was once the reason why you smile, whether it was fake or genuine. Now, you were smiling for your new found love for yourself. And it feels so fucking worth it. You won't let him get you down, that was for sure.

A/N:

If you're ever going through something like this, or anything that really makes you depressed, or if you ever feel lonely, I am here for you ^_^ feel more than free to leave a message on my PM's.