You Deserve

51

August

"Father God please watch over Marli, wherever she is keep her safe Lord. Cover her in your blood, keep her out of harms way so that she may return to us in the same condition she left us. Let her know that she is loved Lord God, let her know we value her and that everything is gon be alright Father God. In the name of Jesus I rebuke any evil thoughts and any evil spirits from this child. Touch her right now Lord, touch her. Touch her heart, touch her soul, touch her mind Father God. In the name of Jesus... Bless her lord. Bless her, Amen."

We all sat around the living room with heavy eyes and heavy hearts as my mama prayed over Mar. It was going on 4 in the morning and we still haven't heard from her. I looked over at her mama and her sister curled up next to each other on the couch crying as her Nana and Yanna continued to silently pray.
I ain't mean to run her off like that, I was just mad. What nigga you know wouldn't be mad at some shit like that. Yeah I should've heard her out but at the time I couldn't control my anger and she know that. She know I ain't mean half the shit I said, if she would just come home we can talk about this.

Everything gon be alright just like my mama said, she just gotta come home. Please baby, just come home.

Marli

"I dare you."
"Get out my face with that shit."
"Don't be such a bitch August!"
"Ain't nobody bein a bitch so shut up." He snapped.
"Prove it bitch boy, do it." I challenged smirking.
"Ooh you get on my fuckin nerves I swear!"

I sat at the edge of the lake reminiscing on the good times Aug and I shared. The way the sunset reflected off of the grim water put me in some sort of trance. All of the things we had been through just came flooding back. I was drowning in my own memories and I couldn't be saved.

It's crazy how low a person can feel. It's like your life has no meaning and you have no purpose. And when you get that low it's hard to come back. Being in this state of mind is unreal. Until you've experienced it you'll never understand how it is. To be in such a dark and gloomy place, is the equivalent to being trapped in a dark room. You're screaming at the top of your lungs for help but no one hears you, no one comes to your rescue. Eventually that darkness invades your mind, and that's the where it all falls down. Your entire being slowly but surely comes crumbling down. I never wanted things to turn out like this. I had the highest hopes for us but it's like nothing I do is ever good enough.

I silently wept as I furiously decorated my wrists. I didn't care about my worthless being, I just needed some relief, some sort of comfort and I found it in the blade. I let out a much needed scream as I threw the blade into the water. I began to feel a little weary and soon after my eyes began to feel a little heavy. I sluggishly took off my jacket and spread it out on the soft grass. I laid down as my eyes darted across the sky.

The Stars were unusually bright. I saw so much life in them, it was almost as if they were dancing across the sky. One by one the stars danced in unison, shining brightly with every movement. My eyes fluttered as the stars grew brighter and brighter. I smiled to myself as the brightness continued to grow, captivating my soul. I felt myself slipping away into its purity. I continued to watch the fluorescent stars until they came down, extending their radiant hands, bringing me into their world. Their sweet and beautiful world.

-------
Short but there's more. I just wanna speak on this touchy and very personal subject. Self harm is never the answer, it may seem like it is but trust me it isn't. You guys are worth so much and you're too beautiful to harm yourself. Whatever you're going through it will be okay. Pain doesn't last forever, I promise everything gets better. If you ever need anyone to talk to inbox me. You're not alone and keep your head up. Much love ❤️❤️