Underwater (kiribaku/bakushima)

61

Kirishima's POV:

Bakugou slept facing away from me.

I looked at his back, wishing for things to go back to normal. Wishing to just cuddle.
I don't really care about my burning wrists, I just want the pain of Bakugou ignoring me to go away.

Is it fair to say that? Ignoring me?
Of course not. I did this to myself.

I couldn't help but cry. Everything hurts.
Not in a way I'm used to. I can deal with that.
What I can't deal with, is being left alone again.

My mind started to drift.
Drift out of Bakugou's room. Outside, down the road. To my house. Drifting upstairs and-

No. I won't do that tonight. Not tonight.

I quietly moved the blankets off of me and stood up.

I just need a drink. Something to distract me.

My feet were cold. Going into the tiled kitchen didn't help that. I searched through drawers, making sure I didn't wake anyone up.
I eventually found a glass and held it over the sink.

My hands suddenly started shaking.
And soon, I couldn't keep my arms still.

I felt tears start streaming down my face and swallowed any noise I threatened to make.

I dropped the glass into the sink, unable to keep myself steady.

Turning around, I slid my back against the drawers until I had reached the floor and curled in on myself, resting my head on my knees. I couldn't hold sound back anymore.

I cried out loud to myself, feeling utterly pathetic. I grabbed my newly-bandaged arms and scratched deep into them, feeling restless. I got some sort of satisfaction by taking my pain out on myself.

I willed to disappear. Just dissolve into nothing.

I'm too ashamed to be with Bakugou.

I'm too pathetic to face Ryan.

I'm too worthless to look at my dad.

I really am good for nothing.

"Eijirou? Sweetheart, why are you up so late?"
I heard Mrs. Mitsuki say. I flinched a little.
Crap, I woke her up.

"'M sorry. I'll go back to bed." I wiped my face but stayed still. I couldn't look at her either.
I heard her leaning down to my height.
"Katsuki told me." She said, sounding calm. Which is sort of rare for Mrs. Mitsuki.

"I couldn't kiss him!" I burst back into tears, holding my hands over my face.
Mrs. Mitsuki pulled them away. She wiped my face with a tissue.

"Did you want to kiss him?" She asked calmly.

Yes!

No!

Did I want to kiss Bakugou?
Of course... maybe? I love him. But I shouldn't, right? Because I'll disappoint him. And then he'll leave me.

I don't want to admit it. I didn't think I would ever want this.

But part of me wants to kiss him. So much. And hug, and cuddle. And-and... maybe I'll be better then-

No.

And the stronger half doesn't. I have plans made already. I'll die. And that'll hurt Bakugou, if he really does love me. I'll be a disappointment anyway.

I'm too far gone.

I'm too deep.

I'm beyond breaking point and it's only a matter of time.

"Eijirou? Can you hear me?" Mrs. Mitsuki laid a hand on my knee.

"Yeah." I answered. I know it's wrong. But I wanted to kiss him.

"Then why not? You can talk to me. I know your struggling a little. Katsuki still loves you, he's just a little heartbroken right now. He responds to things a little different when he's upset. But you and Katsuki are still best friends. Inseparable even. Everything will turn out fine." I must admit, I did feel a little comforted. Even if I still feel miserable.

"Now, it's time for you to go to sleep. You look exhausted!" She said, looking a little worried.

I guess Bakugou really helps me sleep. Anytime when I'm away, I'm always awake.

"Thank you Mrs. Mitsuki. Goodnight." I whispered. Even though I didn't try to whisper. My voice had completely gone.

"Goodnight. Everything will be sorted out by tomorrow."

To think I would even believe that.

[Authors Notes!]
Oof. Sorry for not uploading yesterday, my mom took my phone and I couldn't get it back :(
In other news, Kiri is right, things don't get better tomorrow ;)