Dear Gilbert pt. 1

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You sit on your bed with tears in your eyes as your bestfriend tells you he's leaving Avonlea. "when?" your speak in a soft tone full of hurt. "tomorrow" he says looking down at the floor trying to hold back his tears. "Gilbert why didn't you tell me sooner?" you ask trembling. "I only just made up my mind. when I knew I immediately came here to tell you." he says and sits down next to you. "but why? why would you leave Avonlea? leave me?" you look in his eyes. "I'm sorry y/n but I have to" he takes your hand. "it's what my father would've wanted." you nod. "I'm going to miss you so much" you say before hugging him tight. "I'll miss you too" he says slowly rubbing your back. "I was wondering if we could spend the afternoon together?" Gilbert asks pulling away from the hug. "yea sure. it'll be hard knowing it's the last time" you say looking down.

the whole afternoon you guys talked about all the things you've been through together. all the good memories and all the bad ones.

"it's time for me to go" Gilbert says standing up. "please don't go" you whisper as you jump into his arms crying. "I'm sorry y/n" He holds you tight as tears fall down his face leaving wet spots on your dress. "I'll come back one day"  

"promise?" 

"promise." 

You pulled away from the hug. "Goodbye Gilbert" you say trembling. "Goodbye Y/n" he says before turning around. "Gilbert..." you say causing him to turn around.

should I tell him?

"yes?" he asks with glistening eyes. "I-" you pause. "take care okay" he looks down. "I will" he turns around and slowly walks away out of your life.

I just can't tell him. at least not now.

"mother?" you close the door when Gilbert is out of your sight and you walk into the kitchen. "yes dear?" "can I please skip supper?" you ask with tears rolling down your face. "what's wrong dear?" your mother asks before running up to you. "Gilbert is leaving Avonlea" you say.
"Oh honey I'm so sorry" your mother says before taking you in her arms. "do whatever you want honey. I'll bring you your food in bed. you have to eat something" you nod "thank you mother" you pull away from her and walk up the stairs. you bury your head in your pillow and start sobbing until you fall asleep.

The next morning you woke up with sore eyes. you looked at your night stand. there was cold soup standing on it.

great mother didn't wake me.

you walk downstairs with the bowl and pour it down the drain. you notice it's almost time for school already. school. the last place you wanted to go. without Gilbert you had no one. all the girls hated you.

"you can't talk to Gilbert"
"ruby has dibs"

they hated you because you were friends with Gilbert. it was ridiculous. you were always kind to them but they didn't care if you were nice or not. "good morning honey" your mother said in a soft tone. "how are you feeling" "not great" you say holding back your tears. "I'll make your favorite breakfast" she says walking over the cabinets. "no mom I'm already late I should go" you say grabbing an apple. "okay honey. I love you!" she yells when you leave the room. "love you too mom!" 

you grab your coat and hat and run towards the school. Gilbert was already gone. when you walked by his house and it was empty. you felt tears rolling down your cheeks as you approached the schoolhouse. you were late and everybody was already inside. 

you quickly took off your coat and sat down at your desk. everyone stared at you and your puffy red eyes. "Y/n you're late" Mr Phillips said in a cold tone. "I know. I'm sorry sir." you say looking down. "don't let it happen again." He says and goes on with the lesson. "does anyone by any chance know were Gilbert Blythe is?" Mr Phillips turns around again. you raise your hand. "Y/n" "H-he left sir." you say holding back your tears. "that's too bad. he was my best student" 

Mr Phillips continued the lesson and tears started rolling down your face.
"are you okay?" Diana asks. Diana sits next to you. she's always nice but you wouldn't call her your friend. "I just miss Gilbert" you whisper. "oh" Diana just sits there. she doesn't know what to do. 

at lunch you ran home. you couldn't bare being there with all those people looking at you and whispering things. with Gilbert there it wasn't that bad but now that he was gone you just couldn't.

you ran through the woods. crunching leaves under your feet with every step you take. you stormed inside and ran up the stairs slamming the door behind you. you fell down on your bed and just sobbed for a few minutes. 

after minutes of crying you calmed down and decided to write Gilbert a letter. you grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and just wrote all your feelings down.

Dear Gilbert.

It's been one day since you left. I miss you already. I don't know what to do without you. I love you. with all my heart. I always have. Gilbert I've always wondered... if I kissed you would you kiss back? do you feel the same I feel everytime I see you. I've been wanting to ask you this for a while now and I tried. I really did. but I never had the courage. I probably don't even have the courage to send you this letter. I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship. even if you don't feel the same I still want to hear about your travels. I still wanna be your best friend.

with love
Y/n

you sigh and put down your pen.

I'm not going to send this.

______________________________________

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