Stained

Chapter 45

"Do you trust me?" Damien asks looking up at me with wistful eyes.

I mull over his question. Do I trust him? Better yet, can I trust him? 'Yes!' a voice screams inside me. Before my mean subconscious can rear her mean head and make me question what I'm about to do, I nod my head yes.

Damien's eyes grow soft at my admission. "So don't hide yourself from me Rose," he murmurs looking down at the sliver of exposed skin. "You're so beautiful."

He surprises me by moving down my body and pressing a kiss under my belly button. I suck in a sharp breath.

He watches me as his tongue dips out to taste my skin. "Beautiful," he whispers against my skin.

I hesitantly take my hands off his and bring them up, pin them on either side of my head so I don't cower away. And just like that, I succumb to his blissful torture.

I want this, need this. I need to escape my demons and when I'm with Damien it's the only time I can— well other than when I'm cutting myself. But this feels better than that, this is pure elation, and it's without the pain. I never knew that was possible.

Damien kisses my belly button, then atop it, not once straying his emerald greens from mine. It's as if he needs to watch me to see if I'm ok with it. My heart warms at the realisation.

A voice in my head tells me I shouldn't be doing this, but I tell her to do one.

"Are you ok?" He asks kissing below my ribs as he slowly lifts the shirt higher, exposing more of my skin.

I suck in a startled breath, hold it in fear of panic cascading over me and pushing me over the edge. It doesn't come.

I see he's observing me and I'm confused for a moment but then I remember he asked a question. What did he ask though? Oh if I was okay. I nod my head yes.

"Words Rose, I need words," he mumbles against my skin.

"I'm ok. Don't stop," I blurt out hurriedly. My eyes widen slightly. Did I actually just say that out loud? I quickly look away, embarrassed.

Damien brings a hand up to my face and strokes my hot cheek with his thumb. I look down at him with surprise — he's smiling.

His thumb moves down to trace my lips. "I wasn't planning to." He kisses my stomach at the same time his thumb dips into my mouth. "Only if you tell me to. Until then, I won't."

I unintentionally suck on his thumb and curl my tongue around it. He groans and pulls it out. I frown. Did I do something wrong?

Damien must see my frown because he's quick to reassure me, "I'll end up coming in my pants like a fucking schoolboy if you keep that up."

I blush both relived and flustered by his words. He's affected by me. I didn't think anyone could ever be affected by me. I don't want to think about the time... nope no. Don't Hazel.

Damien bites down on my skin and all the nightmares that were about to resurface evaporate, I moan at the intoxicating combination of pleasure and pain. The submission makes him smile against my skin. I look down at him and he sucks the skin into his mouth.

"Damien," I gasp. He starts sucking harder, not once shifting his green hues of blue from mine.

I try to hold his gaze but the sensations coursing through me are too much. I fight it for as long as I can, but it was a losing battle from the moment he set those eyes on mine.

My eyes roll to the back of my head, my hand flying down to grip Damien's soft curls. "Damien," I whimper out his name when he bites down.

His lips travel up my stomach kissing, sucking licking, biting. But then he lifts the t-shirt higher, exposing my under boob which the bra cups are pushing up because Damien pulled them down earlier to gain access to my nipples.

I stiffen and my hand darts down to my t-shirt.

"Don't hide from me baby," Damien says kissing my under boob. I gasp from the wonderful sensation of feeling his mouth... there. Without the barrier of the t-shirt between us, the pleasure has heightened, making my core throb to unbearable measures.

Unfortunately, despite the pleasure, I'm still too self-conscious to expose so much of myself to him.

"You're beautiful, every fucking inch of you is. You don't ever have to cover up, least of all from me."The sincerity in his voice sets my heart ablaze.

I nervously suck my lower lip into my mouth and loosen my hold on his hands — but don't let go completely. He gradually begins lifting the shirt higher but he's not looking at my breasts that are slowly being exposed, his eyes are trained on me, gauging my expression. Making sure I'm ok.

When my nipple meets the cool air of the kitchen, it tightens causing my breathing to pick up, which doesn't help my nerves because whenever I inhale — and I'm doing that a lot right now — my chest moves extremely close to his face, as if it wasn't close enough, to begin with.

However, Damien hasn't looked down at it yet, not even a glance, his eyes are still targeted on me. 

"Do you want me to stop?" The desire in his eyes betrays his words.

I vigorously shake my head no. Damien inhales to argue but I plead to him with my eyes. I know he needs me to say the words out loud but I can't say it. I need him to accept the gesture.

He sighs. "Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?"  His eyes are suddenly serious as they stare into mine.

I nod my head yes.

He stares at me for a long moment then moves up and kisses me until we're both breathless and gasping for air. Pulling back he stares into my eyes. I startle when I feel his hand lifts the bra cups over my breast. And then he lowers the t-shirt.

"W...what are you doing?" I thought he was going to do what he did over the t-shirt. Was eagerly anticipating it.

'You've hardly got any breasts for him to do that to that's why.'

My heart sinks and my eyes begin to burn with impending tears. He didn't even bother to glance down.

I push against his chest until he's off me and jump off the island. I begin to move for the washing machine but he grabs my hand, stopping me.

"Rose I didn't—."

"Please get off me," I interrupt him, squeezing my eyes shut. I can't believe I let it get that far. I'm so stupid. No guy could ever want me. Damien just went and proved it.

He lets go and I stalk toward the washing machine and take my clothes out. I brush past him and make my way toward his bedroom to get changed. But mainly because a massive lump has formed in my throat and I can feel tears trying to fight their way out. And I can not— will not cry in front of Damien again.

He follows me. "I didn't want to do anything you weren't comfortable with. And you didn't seem comfortable."

"It's fine Damien you don't have to follow me." I don't look back at him as I say the words. I'll just go into the bathroom to get changed.

He grabs my arm and spins me around to face him. I stumble into his chest from the unexpected movement.

"It isn't fine though. You're clearly upset."

Why did he have to say that! It's like when people ask if you're fine when you're on the verge of tears.

I grasp onto anger with all my might, it's the only way I can keep the tears at bay long enough for me to get away from him and safely behind the bathroom door before the flood gates open.

I pull myself out of his grasp. I stare at his chest as I lie, "I'm not upset. I'm mad. But not at you, at myself for letting that happen. I'm actually glad you pulled away when you did. So thank you." I'm acting like someone whose ego was badly bruised. That could be the case but I never had one, to begin with, thanks to my horrible subconscious.

Damien narrows his eyes at me like he doesn't believe me. "If you didn't want that to happen why didn't you stop it?" He snaps out the word that.

I don't know how to respond to that so I say the first thing that pops up in my head. "It was a mistake."

His eyes blaze with anger. "That's bullshit and you know it," he snaps and just like that the anger in his eyes fades into pain.