Stained

Chapter 78

She's joking, right? Or she's trying to pull my bluff.

She told me about the headphones then and there, but the laying my head in her lap?

"Oh please, don't pretend to be fucking clueless," she deadpans.

"No, I seriously don't know what you're talking about." Why would he do that? We didn't even like each other then. I called him a jerk, and he blew smoke in my face and was rude to me.

"He probably couldn't tell you because he was too busy fucking your brains out."

I scoff and instead of reprimanding her like I so desperately want to, I wait for her to continue.

"When you fell asleep you kept stirring because of the music blasting in your ears, and your head kept rolling on where it rested on the windowsill so- wait a minute. First, you have to tell me what the fucks going on between you two, and maybe then I'll tell you the rest."

I groan and lie. "Nothing happened, Kenzie. He had too much fun messing with me in the car and wanted to prolong his fun. Nothing happened. We don't even like each other."

The latter is true on my part. I don't like him. What I feel for him is more than like. But I'll never tell anyone that — it's a surprise in itself I'm admitting it to myself.

"He doesn't like you my ass. He. Beat. Up. A. Guy. For. Slapping. Your. Ass!"

I don't miss the pun. However, I'm too tired to laugh and to be honest, I don't even find it that funny.

"He could've had his own vendetta, it's probably got nothing to do with me." I'm getting good at lying thanks to all my failed attempts on Damien.

"Hmmm," Kenzie mumbles suspiciously.

"Just tell me what happened, please." I know I shouldn't ask. Shouldn't know. That it will most definitely make these stupid feelings inside me worse. But that curious annoying part in me always comes out victorious.

"Okay fine..." she drawls, annoyed. "He demanded I take out your headphones — which you already know — and lay your head in my lap because you were asleep. When I said that you probably wouldn't like it if I did that, he got pissed and called me a fake friend. This loser called me a fake friend, like who the fuck did he..."

Kenzie keeps talking but the tears pooling behind my closed lids drowns out her voice. I hate feeling like this. Why couldn't I just stay away from him? That way he wouldn't have beat up a guy over me and got into trouble and I would be free of one less heartache.

"I'll talk to you later." I don't wait for her response, I cut the call and throw my phone on the passenger seat. It bangs against the door but right now I couldn't care less if it breaks.

Damien's hurt expression as he shakes his head at me flashes behind my closed lids and I snap my eyes open. Why does my heart hurt so much? Why? Why? Why?

The weight of the tears in my eyes lets me know I need to get inside and into my room before the floodgates open because once they do, there's no stopping them. And I can't have my mum seeing me and thinking I've been crying because of her. Especially when it's not entirely because of her.

'All she does is fucking feel sorry for herself.'

Yeah... I need to run.

I throw my phone into my bag and sprint inside. The faint sound of my mum's British soap opera streaming through the minuscule gap between the floor and kitchen door lets me know she is busy cooking and not upstairs.

I run up the stairs and into my room where I lock myself inside right before my legs give out and I fall to the ground a crying mess.

And then as if I didn't have enough pain coursing through me, the sexual assault decides to finally hit me too.

My crying eventually turns too loud to suppress so I try to get up and lay on the bed but I'm too weak to move my legs so I lean forward a little and pull my pillow off the bed. I lay on the ground and shove my face into the pillow, use it to muffle the tortured sounds erupting from my throat.

And then I completely unfold all of my pain into the pillow. Praying and wishing I could lose it all within the hundreds of feathers. But it's all so dark I'm sure to stain the white feathers.