Stained

Chapter 116

"Damien?" I say when he doesn't respond. His eyes seem to be waging a battle I can't read and being so exposed beneath him whilst he just stares into my eyes like that makes me want to cover up, as if the clothes will stop him from seeing what's really in my heart.

What is in my heart?

"Are you sure you want this?" He asks, his voice suddenly husky with emotion.

I cock my head, confused. "Where is this coming from?" The sudden mood change is overflowing me with self-doubt.

"Answer the question...please."

"Yes, I do," I tell him cupping his cheeks. Past the surprise of the sudden change, worry creeps inside of me.

He pulls his face away and diverts his gaze. I frown. What's suddenly wrong with him?

And then it hits me. Is he having second thoughts over us being intimate? I swallow back the hurt before asking, "do you not want to anymore?"

"No I do," he's quick to reassure me. "Are you..." he trails off, choking up.

"Am I what?" The anxiety coursing through me causes my voice to come out as a broken whine.

He looks down at me and the hopelessness in his eyes tears at my heart with a knife. "Damien w—." His lips slamming against mine stops further argument. But I don't let it go — can't let it go when something is clearly bothering him so much.

Even though the endless possibilities of what it could be scare me, I pull my lips away. "Damien, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing," his voice comes out detached but despair lingers along the edges, revealing he is lying.

"It's not nothing. Please tell me," I try pulling his face back to mine but he doesn't let me. My lungs hitch and a distressed sound escapes my lips. What's wrong with him?

"Damien?" I say hoarsely, my throat thick with tears. I hate seeing him like this. I hate him pulling away from me. And it's not because I opened up to him, but because I... because I have feelings for him.

Now tears well in my eyes for a whole other reason. I have feelings for Damien Hunter?

My hands drop from his face, my lips parting in shock and terror. I have feelings for Damien?! I was never supposed to have a crush on anyone let alone have feelings for them.

I'm constructing heartbreak for myself. I know it. I'm too messed up, he'll see that and leave just like Alejandro and Ianna did. I'll never be good enough, just like I wasn't for my dad and mum. He'll never be able to love me, just like my stepdad couldn't.

I feel like I've been struck with a hammer. Are my feelings heading toward love?

As if hearing my thoughts, Damien looks down at me, eyes full of the same despair as before. How did we go from being two horny teenagers to this?

"Are you doing this for the pain?"

His abrupt question catches me off guard and causes me to flinch. Pain? "What do you mean?" My heart races for a whole other reason now and I don't even understand what it is. I don't understand anything actually. My mind has turned into a whirlwind that shows no sign of slowing down or ever stopping.