The Tiger King (Chaelisa)

40| Late Night Call

The next morning, Rosé stirred when a shaft of sunlight tickled her eyelids. She stretched her arms and rolled over to the other side of the bed, momentarily enjoying the empty space before her eyes snapped open.

Empty space?

She sat bolt upright, breathing heavily. 

Ella wasn't in bed and the side she occupied was cool to the touch. There was no sign of Ella in the room either.

Okay calm down, calm down. Breathe. She's probably gone in the bathroom.

Rosé frowned when she strained her ears and heard nothing at all coming from the bathroom close by, or the other rooms for that matter. The apartment was stiflingly quiet as a library. Unnerved, Rosé pulled herself out of bed, her eyes falling on the small bedside clock.

11:45

She rubbed her crusty eyes but the time didn't magically reverse when she looked again.

She had slept for nearly all morning!

Rosé swallowed a silent scream. Her clients, they had morning appointments! And where was Ella?

In her haste, she stubbed her toe against the door and bit back a curse, stumbling around her apartment calling Ella until she reached the kitchen and saw a note with familiar wonky handwriting attached to the fridge with a magnet.

To Mommy 🤍 gone to school. dont worry I took apple and I put food for cats. lots of love Ella :)  XOXOXOXO

Rosé smiled in relief, her anxiety fading. But she was also very, very vexed.

Forgot the alarm, again! she scolded herself.

This wouldn't be the first time she would be so exhausted that she mixed up dates and forgot Ella had school the day after her night job. Then she'd sleep in late and miss out on client appointments as well, making her look extremely unprofessional. This irked her very much because she took great pride in building and maintaining a sound reputation. How could she keep up her pilates gig and attract clients if word got out that she was unreliable and undependable?

Moreover, she berated herself, ashamed that Ella had to wake up, fix herself breakfast, prepare her bag for school and whip some lunch all by herself—Rosé considered it negligent parenting, even if Ella was perfectly capable of doing all that by herself. Yet, coupled with the lingering guilt from her night job, it always brought up feelings of inadequacy about her role as a parent.

She tried hard not to make it a habit and diligently set several alarms—it was bad luck that she had been dead tired and fallen asleep right after watching Lisa's match without turning them on. 

Rosé shook her head and threw away the crumpled note.

Ironically enough and with remarkable consistency, her primary reaction when she didn't find Ella anywhere in the apartment on such mornings was always one of blind panic. Rosé had long accepted the fact that her fear and traumas were here to stay and torment her for a long time, no matter how many times circumstances repeated themselves: she resigned herself to always being afraid of waking up to Ella being taken from her. 

Rosé sighed, crouching to stroke Bori when the cat rubbed against her leg.

"Some kind of parent I am, Bori," Rosé sighed. "I just can't ever get this right..."

She made herself a quick breakfast, checking up on emails and messages as she ate. As luck would have it, her two clients booked for that morning had actually cancelled their appointments through some excuse or other.