POETRY SESSION:)

introspection (Self Examination)

Choosing the wrong meal, wrong way, wrong attitude how often do I ask myself, do I correct myself, never!. When I was driving too fast or having that cake I would love to have I always gave reasons that it's ok you can.. while it was not. Doing the introspection was always hard for me as it was out of my comfort zone. When I was about to sneak in some party my mind asked me : are you sure? And with that anxiety I just said :ahhm.ohh.. ofcourse it is. I escaped. When I was to be kind with someone even after their harsh attitude my mind tested me by saying oh it's the other person's fault you shouldn't be kind and I said.. Ok! You are right! mind. Why? just because it was in my wrong favor .. my mind was waiting from me the question  "why shouldn't I be kind ".. but I didn't ask back.
My mind was there stucked said:
"Oh boy! I think I won't be able to stand you as you're not interested to make me better" and when mind was uttering those thoughts of him being healthy I closed my ears.
I never did justice with my brain
I never told him back: it's fine!! And that is all what life is about, be happy be happy be happy. .. even if i were to pretend .. my mind must be there for me now when I was down.. but I never analyzes the wrong stuff.. my mind always guided me I was oppose of. And now that I'm waiting for my mind to show me the light it says : you never cared for me to show you the light and even more..
Introspection on that day I understood I was with all that pretended smile tried to be kind with my mind and it responded even with more kindness.
My emotions were there while I was somewhere else..
When I smiled I don't know about the world but so happy was my mind.
I don't know about the world but this brain was always kind.
While I was not.
But now that I wanna prepare myself for the self examination ..
Because it's never too late to start and stop.

_Aysha Alam