Holding On

chapter 1.

She looks so elegant walking down the aisle. I promised myself i wouldn't break down here, in front of HER. Infront of them both. He loves her and i know she loves him too and as much as I wish that was me up there it isn't.

I look at the make shift arch as she walks under it to reach Josh. This entire thing was rushed but it had to be, at least for the baby's sake. They had to get married, lynnea always talked about having a child but she always emphasized how much she wanted it to be after she got married.
Having a child out of wedlock was wrong in her mind. I just didn't expect all of this.

"Tyler are you okay ?" My bestfriend places her hand on my shoulder.

I lean into her like a child does with thier mother. I look over to my mother and see the wheels turning in her head. In just four months she's going to be the one walking down the aisle to Nicholas. I can't help but smile. Amidst all this drama, she found her peace. If anyone deserves peace it's my mother over there.

A weight on my shoulder pulls me from my day dream, I look up to see Jane's tear filled eyes. "Tyler I'm so so sorry on my daughter's behalf. I don't think she meant for this to happen but she loves him and I'm admiring the mature way you're taking this..." I surprise her by hugging her. I don't know how many months she has left with us but I will miss her, i really will.

Life just doesn't stop here. This is a beginning for lynnea and I need to move on with my beginning, I can't let this be my end.

5 weeks later!

"Are you sure you have to go, there are plenty of colleges here and you can study there and you don't need to work, you can stay here and..." I stop my mothers rant by wrapping my arms around her.

"I have to do this mom. This town holds too many memories and I just want a fresh start, besides it would be much easier to do my degree through a firm, it gives me a sense of job security and right now I would settle for any type of security".

"I'm so proud of you, and even though I'm going to miss you I think you should go" my mom kisses my cheek and I resist the urge to jerk away.

"You've grown so much Ty" lexy whispers as i hug her. She's right the entirety of this experience has shown me a lot and I feel like I sort of matured in a fucked up way.

I grab my bags and load them into the trunk of my Impala, when an all to familiar purr catches my attention. I've grown to love that beastly sound as it rattles the windows of everywhere, fuck am I going to miss it.

"So you're really leaving" lynnea looks up at me from under her over grown fringe. She's let herself go since the wedding. She looks like she needs to wash her hair at least twice. "Don't leave because of me. I'm so sorry i hurt you like this. I'm so evil. So so evil" she frantically grabs at her hair. Anymore force and she'll pull them out thier roots.

I grab both her arms, ending her violent attack to her scalp. "Look at me, I need to do this for myself I'm not running away from you or anything. You took what we had and threw it all away and that's on you, I had no part in that. You have so much going on for you. You just got married to a man that adores you and you're going to give birth to his child. A child that is going to give you a new life. You're going to be okay Nea".

"What about you?, I don't want you to go. I always knew I loved him more than i did you, but I held on to you because I didn't want to lose you and now I'm going to lose you anyway".

I ignore the sting in my chest because if I give it any attention it will make me angry. It will make me speak to her in any manner and that isn't right. My sister is right i have grown up.