Holding On

chapter 23.

AMARA'S P.O.V

I'm sitting with a coffee in my hand and I hear Tyler's voice but my attention isn't fixed on him, I watch as children everywhere run into their mom's arms. It seems as if the universe is against me. From making me dream about my baby to making me yearn that motherly love again.

No force is stronger than that happiness in your heart when you're starring at your baby whilst he sleeps. His soft breaths, his small fingers curled and his small nose flaring.

"Hey babe" Tyler shakes my arm.

"I'm sorry I was just thinking" I brush him off, but in his observant manner he asks "it's about your dream isn't it?" I have no idea how to answer him. I keep on saying he saved me but then I get stuck right where I was.

"I'm okay, I just need time" I tell him and pull my hand out of his grasp, I don't want to hurt him intentionally i just need to be alone right now, maybe taking on this relationship with Tyler didn't really do me any good. I notice how the caring emotion in his eyes is replaced with an icy look, the same look he had towards Lynnea when we first got there. I am hurting him without actually doing it. It's like the more I try to be something more for him the more I destroy him.

"I'll be back" he says as he gets up and walks away.

I know I should go after him, I know I should tell him it's nothing and let him hold me, but I physically can't. I can't bring myself to actually stand up and run after him.

The thing is that I haven't felt this shit in a while, I really haven't, and that means I've been suppressing the emotions. I hate feeling so hurt. It hurts me. It's like I'm being hit in the chest with a brick repeatedly.

I hope I didn't hurt him so much so that his gone, that he chooses not to come back.

I watch as his face shows up in the distance and I get ready to apologize.

The closer he gets the more butterflies appear. I'm nervous that I ruin this thing with him.

"Tyler.." he holds up his hand, at first I begin to panic, but when he says "you don't have to say anything" I calm down a little. I stand up and wrap my hand through his. We should really move on to the other side of this airport, and as if my thoughts are some how connected to his, he walks towards the other side, with my hand still intertwined in his.

"When we get back I'm taking a day off to lay in bed" he says.

"Only if I can join you" I wink at him.

"I meant to sleep, you and me in the same room leads to something else" he returns the flirt.

"Hey it's you who can't keep his hands to himself" that's not even remotely true.

"Me, it's all you" he returns the blame.

We eventually board the plane and I don't remember much, just that I passed out.

****

"I'm starving but I'm lazy" is the first thing I say as we enter my apartment.

"Why don't you run your water and light some relaxing candle, I'll bring you wine while I make us some lasagne or an alfredo" he doesn't give me an option, forcing me to walk towards the bathroom.

I admit it though I love having him around like this.

"I should help" I don't want to but I want him to feel like I do.

"Come on just get in that water, you need the relaxing more than I do" he assures me it's fine.

I start the water and keep my eyes focused on him as I start undoing my jeans. They take up most of my energy getting over my butt, but when they're a pool of material on my ankles it's all worth it. His eyes rake over my body. I pull my feet through them and finally take of my top. His eyes grow hungrier with lust and the bulge in his pants is evidence.