Holding On

chapter 31.

I don't think either of us were prepared for what's happening.

We both sit in silence and look around the room, neither of us knowing what to say to each other.

I notice the tears in her eyes, and I knew that this just might be the starting of a long time of pain for her.

"Come here" I call her....

***

"Ms. Renny, you can just go to the front now, they have someone free" the receptionist says.

"Come on" I grab ahold of her hand and lead her to casualties. It's where we were told to go.

"Why couldn't we just go to a normal GP?" She's so nervous.

"Because the ones here are horrible".

The doctor does check ups, telling her to breathe, open her mouth wide ect.

By the time she's done we're sent upstairs to the D and C ward.

At this point I already know what's wrong with her. Being sent to D and C can only mean one thing.

I look at her, I'm thinking here. I could tell her now, but I don't want to be the one to tell her this.

This does explain why I felt sad, why the past few days she couldn't leave me, why she has the look of death in her eyes.

All of us are connected.

"Sit here ma'am" she sits down and and looks at me nervously, I don't think she knows what we are here for. Like I said I'm not going to be the one to tell her.

"This is just a little blood test" the lady tells us and takes the blood. She leaves the room. Leaving me with this big thing on my chest.

"Now we're going to have to wait like a few days for these test results" Amara is doing what she does best, distract herself.

"Not this one, when we walked in the place seemed empty, so the results could be given in a few hours, but usually this type of test takes a few hours" I hint at what's going on, if she paid attention to any science in high school she would've known exactly what this is.

"Oh. So we just have to wait then" she's twirling her thumbs around each other.

"Okay I'm back" the doctor walks in, the look on her face resembles mine. How do you work up the courage to tell a sweet girl like Amara what's wrong. Besides it's worse for me, kowning her back story and everything with her baby.

"I have to do another form of testing to make sure I'm right" the doctor says. Buying her time to delay the inevitable.

"What test" Amara seems concerned.

"She has to do a pelvic exam" I say.

"Yes exactly. So let me just prepare some stuff and then I'll get back to you" she leaves again, this time giving me a look, as if she's saying I must be the one to tell her.

I don't think either of us were prepared for what's happening.

We both sit in silence and look around the room, neither of us knowing what to say to each other.

I notice the tears in her eyes, and I knew that this just might be the starting of a long time of pain for her.

"Come here" I call her to me.

"I can't breathe" she looks like she's about to fall. I move quickly to her side pulling her limp body to mine.

"How didn't I know?" She's going to start blaming herself. Any women would.

"Its not your fault" she knows what's going on now. "I know how much you wanted a child" I kiss her head. "Any number of reasons could've caused this miscarriage" i feel my own sadness.

Just because she got pregnant on accident doesn't mean I feel any different about this child, I also want one.

"I'm sorry" she looks up at me.

"Shut up" I roll my eyes and she smiles.

"This is not the time to be commanding" she continues to cry in my arms.

"We're going to be okay, we can get through this" she jerks her body up.

"Wait you're not angry at me?" She asks.

"Why would I be" the conversation takes a serios turn and we deal with the problem.

Of course she going to be emotional the next few days, so will I, but we will pull through. We always make it through anything. What works for us, is we believe that we both need to deal with the problem jointly, if we function as a single collective system we overcome what ever this fucked up universe throws at us.

They prep the room for the D&C surgery. I'm told to leave and wait outside and i do.

I just stay put and wait till we can go home. It's just going to take 4 hours maximum, before we can leave here.

My mind is still confused and I have no idea what to do.

***

AMARA'S P.O.V

I have no words to express how I feel right now. Losing a baby is hard, even if you didn't know you were pregnant.

I look at him and I realise just how blessed I am with him, his being so supportive and his trying to calm me down.

He even managed to make me giggle like a schoolgirl in the midst of all this drama. I hope to share this gift of a man with my children oneday. And I will, we will try again.

This time we'll plan though, we'll have to firstly move into a bigger apartment then we have to save, right now either one of us could afford the apartment on our own, but we are a team. We are connected to each other.

"You want to get some McDonald's" he asks me. We've been driving around aimlessly for an hour now. I see the appel in just driving to calm down. I'm slowly picking up his habits.

"No I want you to make me some alfredo" I pout a little. I admit it he is a better chef than I am.

"Okay baby" he takes the off ramp to towards the store.

I look outside the window in an attempt to grab on to any piece of reality to calm me down. I feel so let down by the universe right now, but if I spiral out of control again, there's no coming back and right now Tyler and I have bigger problems to worry about. We have a whole future to build. We can't just set everything aside to focus on this right now.

_________________________________________
Note:

I guess the cat is out of the bag. Anyway I'm going to do another time lapse, probably a year into their story. Expect that "1 year later" in 2 to 3 chapters.

I don't want to dwell on this single pivotal moment and drag the story out. I want to get you to the end because I feel like this should be the middle.

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ALSO ARE THERE ANY "TheWeeknd" fans here?