Holding On

chapter 18.

"I see why she likes you now" Brooke says as I hand her the peeled potatoes.

I leave the two in the kitchen and go to talk to Amara's mom. I need her mom to know how Amara feels about her, because I know it'll take that headstrong woman a while to work up the courage to have the conversation.

"Aunty can we uhm talk for a while" I sit next to her on the couch. Belle looks up at me gives me another smile then picks up her book and walks away. The front of the book has the words TO KILL A MOCKINGJAY written in gold. I've heard of it but I've never read it.

"So it's about Amara. I know what happened with the baby and you.."

"She told you about that?".

"Yes" I answer nervously.

"Its just that she hasn't talked about that with anyone since two years ago. She must really trust you then". My heart melts in my chest.

"Well the thing is she needs you to know that it isn't your fault". I cut the bullshit. Sometimes you need to rip the band aid off or whatever the fuck.

"What do you mean?".

I take a breath "She doesn't blame you and she's sorry for pushing you away. Just listen to her when she's ready. It's gonna take time and not because she blames you but because she associates that baby with you. Just give it time but also in doing so, don't detach yourself from your daughters. Amara is one of the most Amazing women I've ever met and for me to be this close to her it's luck all on it's own. You have to know that you are thier mother and they miss you but if they are Amara's sisters, they'll never admit it. Not because they have pride, but because they don't want to seem weak".

"You're not like any man either Brooke or Amara brought home. Why is she so important to you" her question catches me off Gaurd. So of gaurd that i say something I shouldn't have " I think your daughter is amazing and I want to he with her, i want her to be happy in life I also feel like this thing between us can work out. And I know you're going to say I'm young how do I know. I'm just getting my life sorted out now, but I've experienced this all consuming feeling before, it is so much more powerful with your daughter though, I don't know if she feels the same, I don't know what the future has but I know in this second her happiness is important to me". The lady wraps her arms around me.

"Thank you. You are going to be the reason this family heals. I've needed to hear those words. That she doesn't blame me for so long now. Even if it isn't her directly I'm glad I finally heard them, but I think it did come from her in a way. You're together now and that makes y'all two split halves for now". She gets up and goes to the kitchen. I trail slowly behind her.

"You girls need any help" the bowl falls out of Brooke's hand.

"Mom did you just offer to help?" Brooke looks broken. At first I thought I did something wrong but then I watch as all three women break into tears and start apologizing to each other for somethings that needed to be resolved. All that crying made me emotional and a tear escaped my eye but I wiped it away quickly, but Amara caught me and she smiles.

I walk back to the lounge area and find Belle. "You really are something else. Thank you for talking them into that. I've tried" she continues reading.

Her sister is right, I kind of wish i had my shit that together back then, it took me a while to realize that i need to work harder than most people to get where I am. I'm finally in a good space I have a great opportunity at a career, I guess everything does work out in the end.

I watch Amara as she walks into the room. Her eyes find me and she has this beautiful smile on her face. Who knew a young boy by the name of Lucus could inspire me to want to be selfless, that and the beauty infront of me is why I did what I did here today, even though I know I did nothing.