Holding On

chapter 14.

"This was nice you know" I whisper to Amara and watch her smile.

"You've shown me a different view on the night sky" she shifts her body closer to mine. I see why my dad loves this car. The hood is long enough for two grown ass people to lay across it and watch the stars flicker in the night sky.

"What's your family like?" I ask her. I really do want to know everything about her.

"It's just my mom and my 2 siblings now. I have two sisters. One is 19 and the other is 15, my dad left us when Belle was 10. Belle is the youngest of us and she's probably the smartest. She works so hard in school and always generates minor income anyway that she can. Her vision is to have 100k before she's 25, she always says that with that 100k she can start a buisness. I wish I'd have thought like that, but i went and got pregnant and at such a young age. That's why I'm always telling Brooke to use protection I don't want her to fall pregnant. My mom was in home care and Brooke takes care of Belle since the accident. The thing is my mom blames herself for his death but it's not her fault. My mom stays in bed all day and rarely gets up to do anything. She's a lot better but also a lot sadder".

"Have you actually spoken to her after the accident?".

She tears her gaze away from the stars and scoots up closer to me. Placing her hand on my chest. I love that it's so natural and care free. She shows no restraint or worries. "What do you mean?" Her soft gazes melts my heart and I wish this moment could last forever. I never want to lose this moment, this feeling is igniting parts of my soul that Caitlyn or Lynnea wouldn't ignite. She makes me feel like a kid on an ice cream high.

"Well your mom could blame herself for what happened, she doesn't know that it isn't her fault and by you pushing her away, you're only making it worse than you realise. I know you don't blame her but you do associate all things her with your baby" a single tear drop falls from her eye.

"I'm so scared, it's been this way for years now and I don't know how to fix it. I'm scared that a part of me does blame her for my baby" she admits as her tears fall on my chest.

I want to save her. I want to make things better for her. I don't want to just be a distraction, distractions are ephemeral in the end. I need her to be okay if shit hits the fan.

'No matter how much you throw yourself at other people, the one you love will always be in your head'. That's what Estelle used to say back when she used me as a distraction to get over her bestfriend.

Catching feelings for your bestfriend destroys you, I tried to explain to her but she never listened to me. I was there before, but that's aside of the point. The point is distractions never last longer than intended, once you're done, you're done.

I need to fix this broken woman infront of me, but that's just it. She isn't broken, she's one of the most strongest women I know.

I really want her to be happy in life.

"What are you doing on Saturday?" I ask her as I unconsciously place a kiss on her forehead. The small gesture made us both blush, it was unexpected really.

"That's in a day's time don't make extravagant plans now" she brings her finger up to my face and taps me on my nose.

"Well we going to catch a movie and then I'm coming with you for family dinner" I smile sheepishly and watch her think over it and then agree.

"I'll have to cook though so please can we finish at the movies early?" I should tell her I'm a pretty good chef but I'll leave that little ace as a surprise for Saturday.

"Fine, but you are coming with to watch that movie".

In the distance I hear Lucas and Everly at it again. Except this time he just walks away. He looks really troubled and my heart bleeds for the kid. I'll have to go talk to him.