Holding On

chapter 2.

The entire drive was filled with silence, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Here. Walk up those steps on your left once you get inside the building" I'm holding my ass down on this seat, I guess my body is trying to get away from this woman.

The office is a modern styled building. Everything is open and inviting. It's exquisite in architectural detail. The inside looks even better and the air was knocked out my lungs when I stepped inside. There was a sense of simplicity to the extraordinary styling.

"You must be the new intern. Head up those stairs and Mr. Waters will receive you" a very friendly receptionist told me. She was nicer than the previous lady. I snickered over my shoulder, at the mean woman as she walked in behind me.

After all the formalities and lengthy explanations on how this internship works, I finally got to rest in an office apartment. It really isn't big or anything, a small bedroom,a small kitchen, the bathroom is decently sized and the sitting area is to squarish. I'm not complaining though I never thought I'd even get a place to stay, I figured I'd live in my own loft with my savings from last year, but now that I'm saving that money I can pay for my car to come this month. The shipping fees would cost an arm and a leg but that car is my life. It's the only thing I have left that reminds me of my dad.

I shake those thoughts, I've spent too much of my life holding on to that, and when I finally let go, it wants to resurface.

I lay down in the small bed, my body seems overly large on the mattress. My feet jot out at the bottom and I have to bend my knees slightly to cover them. I get tired of fighting my blanket so I reach for a pair of socks to provide my iced feet some warmth.

My phone vibrates and disturbs me, I was on my way to falling asleep and some annoyance disturbed me at this time of the night. I look up at the clock. It's 11, this person needs a damn good excuse.

"Hello!!" I huff over the line, grumpily.

"So what you just forget to tell your best freind thay you're safe" Peyton's tiny voice takes me a little of the edge I was on. I miss my bestfriend.

I think back to how I met her on a trip back home from the same city I'm in right now.

"Sorry, it was just so hectic I even forgot that I had promised to call you".

"When can I come visit you, my mom's always flying in and out of New York".

"Soon, I miss you so much Peyton" I admit it I really do miss her. She's the only freind I have and I never get to see her, the last was at lynnea's wedding, my heart tightens again. I miss her too.

"I gotta go ty call me tomorrow, around 4pm there by you, I'm in a different time zone then".

We say our goodbyes and I hang up.

That feeling of hurt is stirring in me again and if I don't get a fucking hold on it, it will destroy me. She made her choice and now I have to respect it, no matter what depths of love I felt for her I can not let the cycle continue. I have to get my head out my ass and focus on what's important.

I message my sister. I miss Lexy so much already, I haven't been here for a full twenty four hours yet and I'm already thinking about going back home.

Is it a home though ? I mean I fell in love with a phenomenal woman, who left me to take care of her brothers child. She will always have that part of me. The part that made me want to be a better person will always belong to her, it's only fitting , since Caitlyn is the girl who started all of this and made me want to be better.

Then she left, because she had to. Then I met lynnea who lied to me and betrayed me. I'm starting to second guess my luck with women.

With a click followed the light from my small lamp. I sat up on the tiny bed and decided to do some work. I opened the first part of my text book and read through what was to follow tomorrow. About four activities in and my body started failing on me. I was tired, this I had known but apparently my brain had no inclination towards sleeping. So I just layed there letting my thoughts dance with themselves.