Why me? ~ mark sloan

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Derek had gone home a few minutes ago, leaving Vanessa with the advice that she should go home and sleep.

Of course that was something she was not going to do.

She now understood how Mark felt when she was in this position and why he was constantly coddling her - it made sense to her now.

She continued to grip his hand, trying to transfer her strength into him any way possible.

"You can't die on me, okay? You can't, because Charlie and Amelia need their father and Callie needs her best friend. They all need you - I need you. I'm so in love with you and I'm not ready to love anyone else so you can't leave, alright?" Vanessa's little speech was cut short by the fast rate of the monitor that sat opposite her. 

Something was wrong.

"Help! Help!" She ran into the hallway and gathered whatever doctors she could to help Mark as his heart started to fail. They all ran into the room and Vanessa went to run in with them but Cristina held her back, wrapping her arms around her waist and lifting Vanessa behind her, blocking the her from getting into the room.

"Cristina, move!" She yelled, trying to move around her but Cristina blocked her every time.

"You can't go in there. I know you want to but you can't." Cristina widened her eyes to convey her point more and Vanessa nodded hesitantly. Cristina turned around and rushed into Mark's room to make sure everything was okay.

Vanessa just sunk to the floor by the nurses station, just staring blankly into Mark's room, watching doctors communicate loudly, busting around and doing whatever they could for Mark.

Cristina caught Vanessa watching them and she gave her a sympathetic look before closing the door and winding the blinds down. Vanessa dropped her head and just looked at the floor, coming to terms with the loss of the love of her life.

When she lost Jamie, she didn't have the time to grieve - she didn't give herself any time to think about him let alone grieve for him. But with Mark she now had all the time in the world to think about him. She couldn't run because of her children - she had to stay in Seattle with the constant memory of him.

She heard the door to his room close and she raised her head to meet a nurse's gaze. The nurse walked over to her and held out her hand. Vanessa took it and stood up, wiping her eyes and preparing herself for the worst.

"Dr Yang told me to come out and tell you that they're prepping him for another surgery. The blood rushed to his heart." The nurse explained and Vanessa just stood there, letting the information sink in.

On one hand he was alive but on the other hand he was about to be rushed into another emergency surgery and his chances of survival were decreasing by the second.

"Okay." Vanessa says simply as the nurse walks away, leaving her on her own again. There was no-one to comfort her as everyone was in a surgery. Most of her friends were in Mark's surgery but there was a couple that were in others.

Vanessa closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in. She released the breath as she opened her eyes and began to walk to the nursery where the twins were being looked after by Arizona and Jake.

---

"Hey guys." She whispered as she walked in, closing the door behind her quietly as many of the kids were sleeping. 

"Hey V." Arizona greeted but Jake just kept his head down, the guilt he felt for Mark was something he didn't think he would ever rid himself of - especially if he ended up dying.

"How's Mark?" Arizona asks and Vanessa gulps, afraid that if she told someone the news that it would make it true.

"The..uh...blood rushed to his heart and they're rushing him into surgery right now." She croaked, trying to hold it together for everyone's sake.