Why me? ~ mark sloan

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

He felt terrible. No pain he had ever felt compared to what he was feeling now and what was worse was that he knew she was going through it as well. He just couldn't handle being a father when he was so broken himself. 

Mark still loved her, of course he still loved her - she was his life. He just needed a break from life at the moment. He was sitting on the hotel bed with his head in his hands as he thought through everything.

His eyes gazed over the golden band on his left hand and he sighed, he had made a huge mistake when he left. What had he been thinking? 

It had been months and he had not spoken to anyone in Seattle because he didn't want his location to get to Vanessa.

Mark wanted to go back but he knew that things would never be the same. He tried to convince himself that she would understand - that he almost died multiple times and his head wasn't in the right place - but a large part of him knew that there was no repairing what he had broken.

"Idiot!" He screamed, throwing his bag across the room in a fit of rage.

He picked up his phone from the bed and held it in his hand, mentally debating with himself. He ultimately decided to use it and he pressed on her number, putting the phone to his ear and rubbing the bottom half of his face.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up." He whispered, biting his fingernails as the phone rang out. He closed his eyes as her voicemail played and he felt the tears stinging the back of his eyelids as her voice entered his ear. 

He decided to leave a voicemail.

***

Vanessa placed Charlie in his chair and placed his food in front of him as Amelia started eating hers. She smiled at them as he phone started ringing in her pocket and she pulled it out, looking at the screen in surprise.

"Who is that, mommy?" Amelia asked and Vanessa whipped her head around to face her daughter.

"Just someone from work." She lied as she walked out of the room and upstairs to check on her baby. The phone was still vibrating in her hand but she couldn't bring herself to answer it, the things he had put her through were just piled on top of her, burying her and even if she did want to forgive him, it would take time to climb through.

"Hello, baby," She cooed as she picked her daughter up and held her to her chest as she placed her phone on the table, "How are you today, Caroline?" 

Her heart broke slightly as she remembered her dead friend but she was quickly distracted when Caroline made the cutest sound. Vanessa laughed, picking up her phone again and walking downstairs with the baby to keep an eye on the twins. 

She set Caroline in her highchair and sat herself down at the head of the table as Amelia and Charlie ate their lunches, speaking together about something Vanessa didn't know about.

Her phone pinged with a new message and she looked at her phone quickly, seeing it was a voicemail from Mark. She sighed and slid across to listen to it - it must be important for it to be the first time he contacted her in months.

"Hey, I, uh," There was a shuffle on the other end of the line, "I want to come home, V. I'm sorry that everything came to this and I know you're probably pissed as hell at me and I deserve that, I," Mark sighed, "I left because it was too much for me and I needed time and I know that was stupid and I know everything I've put you through and, believe me, there's nothing I regret more. Just call me back as soon as you can. I love you." 

Vanessa placed a shaky hand loosely over her mouth as tears formed in her eyes. She wasn't quite sure if they were happy or angry tears but they were there and they were dangerously close to falling.