Holding Onto You (boyxboy)

Holding Onto You Chapter 23

Hunter's pov

I couldn't take it anymore and fell on the grass, finally letting out what's been killing me all my life.

"I killed my brother."

I brought my knees up and wrapped my arms around it burring my face between my crossed arms. I cried and cried without a second to breath. What I caused my family to go through and still suffer kills me everyday.

Just thinking about everything makes me hate myself so I'm sure that if Vincent finds out everything he won't want to be close to me. He'll stay away and I'll lose all my friends. But it's what I deserve.

I didn't hear or feel Vincent and I thought that maybe he left. I wouldn't blame him though.

I took a deep breath looking up and that's when I felt Vince wrap his arms around me and pull me onto his lap.

"Hunter don't cry." I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Vincent." I breath out. "I killed him. I caused it, I caused everything."

Vincent pulled me even closer and rubbed my back. "Hunter don't say that. Why don't you tell me what happened."

"No, you'll hate me. You'll leave me and I can't live without you Vincent, please don't leave me." I started crying all over again and buried my face further in his chest.

"Hunter please don't cry. I promise you with all my heart that I will never hate you and I will never leave you. You're stuck with me for life. Don't even think that I'm going to blame you or think any different of you. And listen to me." He lifted my face and held my cheeks in his big warm hands rubbing away my tears. "You were not even three years old. Please Hunter, please don't blame yourself."

I pushed his hands away and stood up moving a few steps back. "Then who is to blame huh? Who is responsible for putting a healthy, happy ten year old boy in a grave. Who is responsible for making my mum and dad go visit their oldest son in the graveyard? Who is to blame for making my parents cry every time they look at his picture or it's his birthday. Who is to blame for depriving Heather of an older brother to protect her but instead she's stuck with a useless blind brother who's responsible for everything. I'm the cause of it all." My voice echoed as I screamed, the sound of my voice vibrating through my chest. I felt Vincent's hand on my shoulder and pushed it off before continuing. He had to know that it was my fault. It was all my fault.

"It doesn't matter how old I was, I ruined everything. It's easy for you to say that it's not my fault, just like how my parents say it was an accident, that I'm not to blame, that I was small. But Vincent no matter what anyone says, I killed my brother, I killed Andrew." Saying his name after so many years crushed my heart into billions of pieces and melted it at the same time.

"Heather doesn't hate me, she's just angry with me. But you have to understand her point of view." I took a deep breath calming down a little.

"Than tell me Hunt." I nodded agreeing and he took my hand and started pulling me somewhere. Just then his phone started ringing. It cut after three rings. "Hunter give me your phone."

"Why, wasn't your phone ringing?"

"Yeah but whoever needs to call us can do it later. I'm going to leave our phones here and take you to sit on the bleachers and we'll come back to get them." I gave him my phone and soon he was leading me once again.

Once we were sitting on the fourth level he started talking again. "Hunter are you ready to talk about it?"

I nodded. "I want to let it all out. Make you understand that Heather is not an evil sister. You need to know that her anger toward me is justified. The way she acts all bossy and in charge is the only way because she has no one to protect her. I took that away from her. My dad loves me but loves Heather more because she's the ideal son he lost because of me. My mum is protective of me and I've become her life only because she lost her first child because of me and she doesn't want to lose me because of my blindness and she thinks I'm going to end my life because of the guilt. And to tell you the truth I have considered it. I have thought of walking onto a busy road and ending my life under a car. Because that's where it all started. With a car. And my persistence. People don't normally remember anything from when they're around three years old but the reason why Heather and I remember is because we had nightmares for a very long time and we still do. But when we turned ten my parents explained to us properly what happened and what all the nightmares mean and it was then that Heather stopped talking to me. It was then that I noticed my mum and dad weren't as happy as they pretended to be. How they were with me and still are is not natural. It's not real. It's all covered by a mask. Because I changed everything and then everything changed because of me."