Something More

Something More: Part 1

Something had changed. The years spent side by side, as partners, friends; something more?

Nat shook her head, she couldn't allow herself to think these things. She knew he would always belong to his first love. Even after her death, Steve still carried the torch for Peggy. Even if Nat could let herself have these feeling for him, she didn't feel she deserved him or that she could ever have him so what was the point.

Since their latest mission, they hadn't spoken with words much. Looks and glances. They didn't really need words anyway. She could always tell what he was thinking. Mostly brooding lately, with some anger and self loathing: thinking he could have done something to change the outcome. Nat felt the same, but in the wake of all the tragedy around them she couldn't stop thinking about Steve. If he was alright? Would he ever be okay?

The mission had been hard on everyone; especially Steve. He took it personally. He took every loss personally. Many people died in a bombing that they hadn't gotten there in time to prevent. They arrived just in time to see the aftermath. The devastation. Families separated and people crying looking for their loved ones. That was the hardest for Natasha. Nat considered herself lucky this time. She still had Steve.

Had is a strong word. But he was still here and she wasn't going to lose him now.

Nat sighed, and got off her chair to look out the window. The rain was so calming on this gloomy night. She was still thinking about Steve when she heard someone come in the room behind her and turned to find Steve leaning against the door frame.

When their eyes met, Nat almost blushed, she looked down and smiled, "Hey, what are you doin' creeper?"

Steve returned her smile, "I'm not creeping, just worried about you"

"I'm fine really." Trying to convince herself as much as him. "What are you doing up? It's after midnight?"

"Couldn't sleep. Was just wondering around and I saw the light. Want to talk about it?" He took a step forward and then stopped, he was always very respectful about space and her room was somewhere he never went without an invitation.

"You can come in." Nat smirked as she made her way to the end of the bed and sat down and crossed her legs. Steve sat beside her, not touching her but close enough she could feel the radiating heat. Nat thought about the irony of him being figuratively and literally hot and smiled to herself. Stop it. She tried to shake her feelings again.

"I'm fine really. You don't have to worry about me."

"Can't help it." Steve replied with a smile. "I'm always worried about you."

"It's been a week, I'm fine." Still trying to convince herself.

Steve frowned slightly, "I wouldn't call not sleeping "fine". I don't think you have been sleeping since we got back."

It drove Nat crazy that he could do that. They had gotten so close. Ever since she let him in he could always tell. If she forgot to eat, or was too wired to sleep, he always knew. She could lie. Lie to almost anyone but him. She was undercover for 2 years and never got caught in a lie. It's infuriating.

"What makes you say that?" Nat shrugged her shoulders and smiled, she finally brought her eyes to meet his, trying her best to convince him.

"To be honest, I haven't slept either. I mostly toss and turn or wander around. I've noticed your light on most nights." He bumped her gently with her shoulder and they both smiled. "So? Are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to pry it out of you?"

Nat sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Okay, fine. This has been really hard. I can't get the images out of my head. It was devastating. You're right, I haven't been able to sleep. Happy?" She smiled weakly and looked at him again. He has the kindest eyes. He put his arm around her and she let her head rest on his shoulder. She thought it would be like bumping her head against a wall but it was surprisingly comfortable. Like her head was meant to be there. Stop it. She reminded herself not to get too comfortable.

"Happy isn't the word I would use. I just want you to be okay." He almost whispered.

"This helps." Nat said softly. "And I'm worried about you too you know." She wanted to look at him but was too scared.

"This helps." Nat felt his smile as he said it. He had rested his head on hers. They sat in silence. After a while Nat started to feel tired but didn't want to move.

Nat's head bobbed involuntarily and Steve laughed softly, "Seems like you're tired now."

Nat sat up and rubbed her face. Steve started to stand. "You can stay. If you want." All of a sudden, she got nervous. Why? Why did she say that? Her thoughts were running a million miles a minute and her heart was pounding. It only took a few seconds for him to answer but it felt like an eternity.

" Yeah? Sure I'll stay for a bit." Steve gave Nat a soft smile as she slid under the covers. He laid beside her, not daring getting under the blankets no matter how much he thought about it. He crossed his ankles and put both hands behind his head. Nat was looking up at him, he had his eyes closed. Nat closed her eyes and tried not to read too much into it, she fell asleep in seconds and slept solid the rest of the night.

To be continued.....