Affection | Jenlisa

Sincerely, Mine

I can't feel anything.

As far as my memory can pan back, I haven't been able to feel any sort of emotions.

I take regular walks across the pavement sitting by the road right outside my house, looking at people, observing them. They smile, giggle, and chat to one another. They don't need a reason to talk, they don't need a reason to act so happy, they just do it.

Human nature, they call it. Humans are social creatures. I've heard that statement one too many times.

I've also watched sadness from afar. They would never notice, of course. I'm far too careful. They would stand there, holding themselves for comfort. Letting tears run down their cheeks as they would howl the most annoying sound I've ever let my ears go through, crying.

It's so pitiful, but apparently these emotions are normal, and they're mandatory to be human. So, what does that make me? If not human, then what am I?

Wondering the answer to these questions is a rarity, but it does happen more times than I would prefer. Still, having no emotions doesn't bother me. I'm fine with it. I resigned myself to the fact that I just wasn't like anyone else, I just couldn't feel the emotions other people do.

But that all changed when I met...her.

My Lisa.

The moment I first laid my eyes upon her, my heart raced and I could feel its sending a wonderful sensation all around my body, I stared happily into her deep, brown eyes and felt myself almost falling in. My hands wouldn't stop shaking, my heart felt like it was about to leap out of my throat, and I could barely move myself, paralysed by her charm.

We didn't exchange any words, we simply walked past each other and the magical sensation gradually left me, leaving me cold again, I couldn't feel that warmth anymore.

That sensation, I finally realized what I had been missing.

I felt love.

It was extraordinary, and incredibly addictive. It was something I had quickly began to feel a craving for, simply thinking about her wasn't enough to satisfy me after a while. I needed more, I needed more of my Lisa.

So, I worked hard to find anything that would satisfy this new craving for her. I once grabbed a plaster she had used on her finger out of the bin, I was appalled. How could such a treasure such as that be so easily discarded?

And another time, I was blessed to find an apple that Lisa had taken a single bite out of! I still enjoy pressing my dry lips to where her mouth had once been and licking away at it, hoping that there was still some of her saliva left on it to swallow down.

I kept trying to get these precious treasures from her without her noticing, and for a while that was how my daily routine went like.

But soon that happiness was torn away brutally from me.

I was on one of my regular walks, following my Lisa from afar, making sure she didn't see me. You know, just any other day.

But then I saw her stop, her expression was cheerful, which immediately gave me that amazing sensation again. However, that all ended the second my observant eyes caught her. A girl, bright hair in pigtails and a skip in her step. She rushed up to my Lisa, she actually dared to do that, and started talking to her. They walked off together, with that woman sticking close by her side.

It was at that moment I had the displeasure of experiencing another emotion.

Rage.

I could feel my body burning up, not that warm, fuzzy feeling of love, it was boiling, sizziling through me from head-to-toe. I couldn't stand still, I could feel my head twitch from side to side involuntarily. This emotion wasn't even slightly pleasurable. I felt the desire to attack.

Along with craving for Lisa, I now also felt an unshakable craving for blood. I wanted to see her scream, to watch her suffer, to pull out her pretty little hair, one strand at a time. I wanted to rip her eyeballs out and feed it to her, I wanted to cut her tongue out, the tongue that allowed her to actually make a conversation with my Lisa, I wanted to grab her heart and force it out of her chest, letting her last seconds be watching her own heart beating weakly in front of her.

I wanted to kill her.

I still do.

She wants my Lisa, it's so painfully obvious to see. But she can't have her, she could never appreciate her like I do, she could never treat her like I do, she could never love her like I do. Lisa's mine and mine alone, and whoever tries to change that will feel the agonizing force of my rage. I don't care who it is, I don't care what they mean to my Lisa, if they come between her and I...they will die.

I'll do absolutely anything for her, she is my everything. She is the sole reason I breathe, the reason I live. We are meant for each other, it's fate for us two to be together. Nothing and no one else matters.

Lisa will be mine.

She doesn't have a choice.