Memoria. | Kozume Kenma

07

Kenma has been coming over to my house to get our project done. I salute to his patience. I have messed up three times; I cried the third time, I felt like I was deliberately ruining our project but I'm just really messy, careless, and clumsy. I tried doing the walls, cutting them on my own, but I cut myself instead. I can still remember how he panicked.

I still went to the gym and did my job as a manager— their manager. I didn't want to lose passion for what I was doing, when I was already enjoying it. The coaches would warn me but I stayed nonetheless, I came to love the sport. I also didn't like the idea of being away from them, felt lonely when I tried not attending.

It's been three weeks since the practice match and the encounter with Keiji. This week, Kenma and I haven't been able to work on the project; we were given stacks of homework and that's what we've been focusing on. I remember breaking down and my mom had to help me, I'm such a baby.

Maki and Honami has been coming over to hang out, we do our homework together— three heads better than one, desperate teenagers just trying to have some fun. In our Science subject, we were asked to interview our parents about something. I couldn't get myself to interview them so, Maki interviewed them for me.

Life is just really tough for me right now, probably it's the same for everyone else. I still had to discover my answer, whether I'd stay in the club or not; I also want to finish our project so I could just lay in bed and sleep, aside from that we had homework to finish. I haven't taken a break from my academics since they gave us homework, I want to live.

I'm in the grocery store with my mother, buying more food because I cooked everything for Maki and Honami the other day. Dad said he'd pick us up, once he was done with work, so it's just me and my mom. I'm carrying the basket, and they're heavy.

"Mom, can't we get a cart instead? I'd rather push that than carry this." I put the basket down, squatting to rest myself. My mom tried pulling me up but my feet were killing me. "I'll get a push cart, I'll be back. Don't go anywhere. I'm the worst at directions so please, don't leave this aisle while I can still remember how to get here." I tell my mom, standing as I carried the basket with my forearm, the metal hands resting by the opposite side of my elbow— I feel like they're about to break.

"I'll be here." She smiles, looking back at the shelves to get what she was looking for.

I eyed my mom, trying to see if she'd leave the moment I was gone, and she didn't. I head to the entrance to get a push cart, moving everything from the basket to the cart. I went ahead back to the aisle where I told my mom to stay in, seeing that she's not there anymore.

I get very bad anxiety attacks whenever I lose sight of my mom, I can't lose her. I try my best to stay calm, looking at the other aisles to look for her. My anxiety grew every minute, mostly when I don't find her in the aisle I look at. I tried calling her but she won't pick up. I sound like a lost child— not that I'm not at the moment— I'm really scared.

I look around, swallowing my anxiety back inside of me, not wanting to lose control in this place. I push the cart, leaning more on it for support. By this time, I am already crying. I told her not to leave, I don't know where to look for her. I stop by a corner, resting my head on the handles as I cried.

I'm almost 16 but I'm still acting like a baby. Can't help that if I have traumas. I suddenly felt someone tapping me on the shoulder, I tried shaking their hand off but they kept tapping my shoulder. I slowly look up, ready to throw a punch if it was a pervert.

"You okay?" I turned to see Keiji. I cried and wrapped my arms around his waist, not even caring if we weren't in good terms yet. "Hey, why are you crying?" I back away and try to breathe. He held my shoulders and looked at me with concern.