Memoria. | Kozume Kenma

12

"I'm quitting."

He's baffled. I stand from my seat and he grabs my wrist to stop me. "Why?" I pull my hand away but he tightened his grip, standing to face me properly. "You told me you wanted to stay." Why is he being like this? I push his hand off me, seeing him furrow his brows at my behavior.

"You said it's up to me to decide. This is my decision." I say, turning to head for the door.

Honami and Maki looks at me with worry as they see me cry, first thing in the morning. They just got here and now they have to comfort me over this, I'm keeping this to myself. I run out of the classroom, getting followed by my friends. I want to be alone.

I completely forgot that my friends used to be runners, they caught up to me. They both hold me in place, stopping me from running away from them. I can't even look them in the eye, this is embarrassing. I can't tell them the reason why, I'll just say I'm quitting because of personal matters. That should be enough.

We're all catching out breaths after running out and up to the rooftop. I'm not going to kill myself, were they thinking of that? "Why are you trying to run away from us?" Maki furrowed her brows, eyes speak betrayal.

"Why are you crying?" "I'm quitting," Honami's eyes widened, and they started to water. I told her I'd stay but this is the exact opposite of what I said. She shakes her head and hit my arm.

"(Y/n) you said you'd stay." I look away as I felt guilty for being like this. Honami continues to hit my arm, hits getting stronger every time. "You fucking said you would stay!" She cried, pushing me away from her.

Maki held her back and all I could do is look at her with guilt. I know Honami's trying to help me with whatever I'm going through, and that's why she wants me to stay; I'm being ridiculous aren't I? Just because of seeing Kenma out with a girl, I'm already acting up. I don't even have rights.

"I-I'll come with you to Miyagi, but I have to rest from club activities." I say, biting my lip as I hesitated if I should say it was just a temporary decision. "T-This is just a t-temporary decision.. I still have time to think.. Please."

Honami walks up to me, biting her lip and clenching her fist as she looked at me. She's angry. "I hate you." My tears fell at the sound of how hurt she is.. I'm sorry. "I'm your best friend but why do you never consider my feelings too?" Why won't you consider mine?

"It's just for the time being." I answer.

I hug her tight and she just cried on me, she's not protesting. "Just stay.. Please? I want you to stay in the team. You're needed there." Honami calms down and wraps her arms around my waist. "What will you do while you're not in the club?"

"I'll accept the offer of being a part of the student council. I'll help Maki plan for the prom. It won't be long, I'll come back." She nods slowly and Maki pats our backs, hugging the two of us.

I shouldn't act like this. It's not like I had a chance from the very start. He always suddenly changes from happy to annoyed. That means he doesn't like having me around. Everything was just pretend, our friendship was just pretend— I fantasized a relationship. I hurt myself.

The two headed back to the classroom and I made my way to the office. I had to inform the coaches that I'll be taking a break from the club, but I will be there to be of help when they come to Miyagi. I need to stay away to get used to being away. It's the only thing I could think of.

I should get used to not feeling his warmth again. Let's go back to square one, let's think of Kenma as a stranger and someone we just met. It's the best way. He usually avoids me or ignores me, completely disregards what I say, and the guy who got mad at me for helping him out.