Memoria. | Kozume Kenma

09

Trigger Warning: Self harm.

Noises from my phone, ringing and vibrating has woken me up from my sleep. I look around, realizing that I'm on the bathroom floor. I try to recall what had happened to me as to why I am here, seeing multiple cuts on my arm. I stand from the floor, holding on to the edge of the counter to support my weak figure.

I look at my reflection and felt my heart pound for a second; my eyes are red, puffy from all the crying, but why did I cry? I open the faucet to wash my face, wincing in pain every moment my wounds came in contact with soap and water. I dry my hands with the hand towel that was hanging on the wall.

I check my phone as I head outside, finding 100+ text messages from my friends and family, even my teacher had messaged me. Not just texts but also calls, mostly from my parents and my best friends, finding his too. I see the scissors on the floor, remembering what had happened last night.

As I cried out of shock and fear from what I had done to myself, my anxiety attack grew every second that I had fallen unconscious in the bathroom. I rode my bicycle all the way from our house to here, in Setagaya City; feeling lonely, hopeless, and useless.

I boil the water to cook instant ramen, only having this after using almost all of my savings to pay for three days of stay in this hotel. I used my life savings just for my runaway, I'm pathetic. I pour hot water in the cup, waiting for the noodles to cook before I started eating.

My phone starts to make noises once again, giving me a headache from the repeating ringtone. I force myself to stand, getting my phone from the bed to check who was calling me. It's Kuroo-san. I shut my phone off, not wanting to hear any more ringing.

I scrunch my nose from the bland taste of the ramen I'm eating. I don't necessarily like instant ramen because it's unhealthy, but I don't have a choice. I'm just a runaway without enough money to survive if I had chosen to buy expensive meals. The bland taste makes me want to go home, but I'm afraid I still have two days.

With open wounds on my arm, taking a shower was quite difficult. I had to raise my arm to avoid it getting wet, yet the water would roll down from my hand and the wound would absorb them. I change into a different set of clothes, making sure I had my arm covered, people would call me a psycho if I revealed the cuts.

I take my keycard, my wallet, my phone... and most importantly my journal. My sole purpose for coming here is to journalize and jot down my feelings, to sort them out. I chose this place, knowing that Meguro River was around; I wanted to have a beautiful scenery to ease my mind.

I unlock my bike, riding to who knows where. I made sure that I know the way back, or else I will probably lose it. I stop by Meguro River, taking a seat at the table I sat at last night. I take out my journal, not reading what I had written the previous night, it would only bring me pain.

"Oh you're here again." A guy with an apron around his waist, approaches me with a smile. I return the gesture, not quite sure of what to say. "You must not know me, but I'm a part-timer here and, I saw you last night. Writing something on your journal." His hair was probably shoulder length, tied back into a small ponytail.

"If I am taking up space, please do let me know. I don't want to be a bother." He gestures an okay, mouthing it at the same time. I give him a small wave as he walks back into the store.

For an incredible reason, my eyes had followed his figure as he entered the store, going to different aisles to do his job. Interest suddenly grew in me, the guy had an impact on me, I want to know why. Maybe because he looks like him, long hair and blonde, except that this guy was blonde all over.