How Can I Make You Love Me?

Chapter 18

   

 

 

  Apparently, Mommy Angela orchestrated my downfall like a pro. She made everyone believe I'm getting crazy which solidifies with the doctor's note that I have postpartum depression. Ang Lily na 'yon na akala ko ay tutulong sa akin ay kasabwat pala ni Mommy Angela!
 

  It went overboard when I learned that the pills that I took were not sleeping pills as I thought they would be, but instead they were anti-depressant. I was so upset when I learned about it by accident. Tinatapon ko lahat ng mahawakan ko. If I didn't hear the maids gossiping about me, I wouldn't know.
 

  Minsan may pakinabang din pala ang pagiging chismosa ng isang tao.
 

  Dahil sa nalaman ko, I stopped taking the pills. I don't know how Mommy Angela knew about it because next thing I knew they were injecting me with medicines. I didn't know what they were for.
 

  I asked for Stuart's help but her mother was a devil in disguise. A great manipulator. My cries fall on deaf ears. His mother braided lies and told him I was hurting her. Even Mama Rosing couldn't do anything to help me. Hawak siya sa leeg ni Mommy Angela. I couldn't even reach our family lawyer! I was so helpless.
 

  Sana pala nanahimik na lang ako. Sana pala I didn't plan to leave. Kasi kung sana'y 'di ko ipinagpilitan ang sarili kong umalis, then most probably I'm free with my child and I'm not stuck in this institution.
 

  A mental institution...
 

  Kung sana'y tiniis ko na lang, sana wala ako dito ngayon. Kung sana'y 'di na lang ako nagwala, sana wala ako sa posisyon ko ngayon. From PPD to psychopathy, it was a big jump. They thought I lied when I was just telling the truth. They thought I was too inflated with myself when I was just so high with the medicine they gave me. They thought I didn't feel any guilt when I was just so full of anger. They thought I'm a great manipulator when I was the victim.
 

  Ang dami kong sana...
 

  Kumusta na kaya ang anak ko?
 

  It's been months since I've been admitted here. Napalingon ako sa paligid ko. Men and women are busy doing things by themselves. May isang babaeng nakayakap sa isang manika habang kinakantahan ito. May lalaking nakatulala. May babaeng nag-ja-jumping rope na wala namang pang-jumping rope. May lalaki na tumatawang mag-isa. Ang iba naman ay tahimik lang na nakaupo pero nakatingin naman sa kisame.
 

  I sighed.
 

  If given a chance, I will do whatever Mommy Angela tells me to do makaalis lang dito. With that thought, I made a plan.
 

  "Doc, pwede mo bang tawagan ang mother-in-law ko? Can you tell her I have something to tell her and I'm willing to compromise?" I was in my session with my doctor. Iba na ang doctor na tumitingin sa akin and I don't know what happened to Doc Lilly. Pero kapag nakaalis ako sa lugar na ito ay isa siya sa babalikan ko.
 

  Twice a week, ini-evaluate kami ng doctor tungkol sa progress namin. Minsan nag-uusap lang kami ng kung anu-ano at minsan naman may pinapasagot siya sa akin or may pinapakita siya sa aking mga abstract pictures.
 

  "Sure, I'll arrange that as a reward because you've been a very good patient. Besides, your progress is superb. I'll make a recommendation for your discharge next Monday," he said, smiling at me.
 

  "Oh my, thank you so much, Doc!" Walang mapagsidlan ang tuwa ko. Napatakip ko ang dalawang palad sa mukha ko. I cried so hard. I miss my baby so much. I can't wait to be with her again.