"Hoy El! Nasaan ka na naman ba?" pasigaw na tanong ni Jillian at nailayo ko naman ang cellphone mula sa tenga ko.
"Huwag mo naman akong sigawan. May binibisita lang ako," sabi ko at narinig ko naman ang pagbuntong-hininga niya.
"Linggo linggo mo na ata siyang dinadalaw. Hindi ka ba napapagod na dalawin siya? Pwede namang once a month, ah?" sabi niya at huminga naman ako nang malalim.
"Gusto ko lang siyang dalawin nang madalas habang hindi pa ako masyadong busy," sabi ko at patuloy na naglakad.
"Oh, siya. Sige na. Mag-iingat ka palagi," sabi niya at bigla na lang tinapos ang tawag. Bastos talaga itong si Jillian.
Nagsimula akong maglakad patungo sa puntod ni Sam. Oo, puntod ni Sam. Isang na taon na rin ang lumipas simula noong mawala siya ngunit sariwa pa rin sa isip ko lahat ng nangyari.
Sa isang taong lumipas, maraming nagtatanong kung umiiyak ba ako sa mga pagkakataong naaalala ko siya. Yes, of course. Hindi naman kasi madaling kalimutan ang lahat ng nangyari. Every time that I remember him. It feels that the scars in me start to bleed again but I need to completely recover from it.
I'm an HRM student now. Proudly to say that I slowly reaching my dreams. But the sad part is he's not with me anymore. Hindi ko man lang siya makikitang makapagtapos at matupad ang mga gusto niya sa buhay. Huminga ako nang malalim at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.
Hindi naman nagtagal ay nakarating na ako sa harap ng puntod ni Sam. Naupo ako sa tapat ng puntod niya at huminga nang malalim. Nagtirik ako ng kandila at sinindihan iyon. Inilagay ko rin ang dala kong mga bulaklak sa tabi ng lapida niya. Hindi ko akalaing ang mga puting rosas na ibinigay niya sa akin upang itanim ay siyang dadalahin ko dito sa puntod niya. Tiningnan ko ang lapida niya at nakaukit doon ang kanyang pangalan.
Led Aviano Royale
June 15, 2000 - Dec. 16 2018
Mapait akong ngumiti at muling inalala ang huling pagkakataon na nakausap ko siya. Noong gabing pinauwi ako ng Mama niya, hindi ko akalaing iyon na pala ang huling beses na makakausap ko siya. Dahil saktong pagdating ko sa bahay ay tinawagan nila ako.
Sinabi nilang wala na si Sam.
Gumuho ang mundo ko noon, napaupo ako at humagulgol na lang sa pag-iyak. Sinabi ko sa kanya na hintayin niya ako sa susunod na araw pero hindi niya nagawa. He didn't make it, he didn't wait me.
Pero sabi ni Jillian, bago malagutan ng hininga si Sam. He manage to tell them that he loves me. Kahit nahihirapan na siyang magsalita noon ay sinabi niya kung gaano niya ako kamahal. Sobrang sakit na wala man lang ako sa tabi niya noong nag-aagaw buhay na siya. Sobrang sakit na hindi niya nasilayan ang mukha ko bago pumikit ang kanyang mga mata. Kung alam ko lang na mawawala na siya noong gabing iyon. Sana ay hindi na lang ako umuwi. Sana ay binantayan ko siya. Kaya pala hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko noong gabing iyon dahil mawawala na pala siya.
That was a tough fight for him. He managed to live longer for me, for us. But sadly, the miracle that we waited didn't come. Marahil ay hanggang doon na lang talaga si Sam. Pero kahit ganoon, he's so strong and brave for fighting even though he's weak. I saw the tiredness on his eyes, but his lips curved when I'm around. I know that he's in pain more than the pain that we feel. I know that he don't want to die yet. Pero hanggang doon na lang talaga.
I'm so proud of him.
Huminga ako nang malalim at inalala ang mga masasayang alaala namin ni Sam. I won't forget all of that because he fulfilled everything that I wrote on my sticky notes. He's the one who listen to my rants. He protected me from the bullies on our school. He join me eating in the canteen. He gave me white flowers even it's near to die but I accept it because I know that he exerted an effort to gather those flowers. He hugged me and he held my hands tightly. He managed to message me and asked me what had happen on my day. He sing a song for me to make me fall asleep. He wiped my tears and help me to carry my things even he murmured that my bag is heavy. We have late night conversation while looking at the stars. We watched the sunset together. He let me experience the things that I haven't experience before. He gave me more than what I asked.
He apologized because he said he can't stay with my side until the end. But he's wrong, he made it. He stay by my side until his end. It was a tough journey for the both of us and he reach his final destination. He's now in heaven and I'm happy because he won't feel pain and suffering.
It was an overwhelming feeling because he fulfilled what he said before, that he will be my somebody out there. I didn't believe in him when he said those words but he prove to me that he is willing to be that somebody out there that I need.
He help me to be strong and brave. He's been there at my side through my ups and downs. I faced all the challenges in my life through his help. Now that he's gone, I'm not losing my hope because all I think is him. I think all the things he said. He's with me before and he's with me until now.
He said he love me and I feel the same way. I love him. I love Sam. But we haven't given a chance to enter a romantic relationship. We haven't given a chance to experience the feeling of exchanging vows at the church. But what we experienced is memorable one. It is memorable than being in a relationship. Because whatever that had happen gave a powerful connection between the two of us. I learned to accept that everything has its end. That everything has a reason.
I'm so thankful for having him and he'll always be the biggest part of me.
I love you, Sam. Thank you for everything.
Looking back on that afternoon when I was sitting at the old bench in the corner of the park while my heart is heavy and my tears are flowing down. The rain start pouring and I didn't mind if I will soak in water. All I want is to release my sadness. But then a man wearing a school uniform with cold pair of eyes, with well chiselled nose, with a messy black hair stand in front of me while holding a huge umbrella. He start listening to me and since that day, he became my Somebody Out There.
T H E E N D . . .
أنت تقرأ
Somebody Out There
قصص المراهقين|COMPLETED| El Damien only want a peaceful life but everything turn upside down when she met a guy with cold pair of eyes. ** El Damien Mirinda wants a peaceful life, a complete family, to have friends and to have a somebody out there that will be...
