John Shelby Imagines x

Let me go...

Warning: suicide attempt, sad, Sorry if this makes anyone sad or upset.

It had been a few days since John died. The Italians killed him outside you home on christmas morning. It was supposed to be yours and his day together away from the world. You had no children to spend your money on but you still brought John everything. John never wanted a gift, he told you he just wanted you and he would be perfectly content. But you still brought his a new pocket watch. He was so happy, his smile never left his face as you two sat in front of the fire together, you in his arms. But that all ended when Micheal came telling you both to come home, that the Italians were on there way. John took one step outside and was shot straight through the chest. Dead.

You remember the blood on your hands everytime you look at them. Coated in John's blood. You remember John's pale face, his lips slightly parted, his eyes clouded and cold. You remember Tommy and Arthur arriving finding you holding John to your heart not wanting to let go of him. Arthur had pulled you away as they took John's body away from you as you screamed and cried for John to wake. Tommy took you back to his home in the country, he wanted to look after you after all you and John did for him. He could hear you crys in the night, you dreams only being the picture of John's dead body. Every scream and cry for John, you would be awakened by Tommy waking you up and you apologising over and over again. You never ate or did anything, you just walked around the fields by Tommy's home for hours despite the weather. You always had you hair down like John liked it, in his shirts and a skirt and John's coat wrapped around your body. The thoughts of John's body lying in your arms corrupted your mind.

-----

Dear Tommy, Arthur, Polly, Finn, Ada and Micheal.
I am sorry, I cant do this anymore. I close my eyes and see him laying there, I open my eyes and see his shadow standing in front of me. I miss him. I need to see John, I cant be here without him. Thank you for everything you have done for me, welcoming me into your family when I have just a bae. I am sorry and I will miss you all. I will tell John you love and miss him. Sorry.
I love you all,
Y/n xx

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Tommy panicked when reading the letter that sat on his desk. You were his sister, not by blood but by heart. He knew you were struggling but he never knew it would get this far. He searched high and low for anything else only to find out his small handgun was missing and a few bullets.

"Fuck !" Tommy shouted, gripping onto his hair. Picking up his coat from the chair, he knew there was one place you would go...the fields. He ran straight for the front door shouting for Mary to call his family right away.

---
Fog clouded your vision, your hand gripping onto the handgun as you walked through the chrisp fields.

I miss you darling.

A tear fell from your eye as came to a halt.

Darling come home to me.

John's voice echoed through your mind as you raised the handgun to the side of your head with a shaking hand.

Darling, everything will be okay...y/n..

"Y/n !"

Opening your eyes, you drop your hand slightly and turn around facing Tommy.
His face full of panic. Tears fell from your eyes as you look at him. His hands out in front of him, hoping you would just fall into them. But you didnt, yet he held them there hoping you would.

"Y/n please...I know your hurting but please, come home." Tommy pleaded.

"It hurts...please, I want to make it stop."

Come home to me y/n

"I cant come home...John was my home and he is dead" you cry, pushing the handgun to your head, panicking Tommy more.

"I know, it was the same with Grace, I hear her voice always but I know she is here, and John he is in your heart and he isn't leaving" Tommy takes a few small steps forward.

"I cant do this without him, I need to go home to him Tommy...please...I want to go home to him."

"Y/n we need to, you are my sister, our family, and fuck everything else, we need you" Tommy was now in front of you looking into your eyes hoping you would stop everything.

"Let me go..." you whisper, tears still falling, your bottom lip trembling.

"We cant y/n, we lost John, we cant loose you too" Tommy whispers back, his hand holding the handgun pushing it down and slowly taking it out and throwing it to the side.

"I love him Tommy, I want him back"

"I know...I want my brother back too" Tommy hold you close, his fingers running through your hair as you cried into his shoulder.

He could see John's figure amongst the fog, he had a small smile on his face that held a tooth pick, he nodded his peaky cap once in appreciation. Before turning away and walking into the fog.

Always keep her safe brother.

Tommy nodded slightly, holding onto you little closer. He needed to keep his word to his brother, your were John's love, the light of his life and Tommy was to protect you like John did.

I love you y/n always and forever.