Last Place You Look

Chapter 7

TW// mentions of suicide.
I know there's a lot of big blocks of text, but please read it all. It's important.

I'd been at work for three hours. Kira and I had been working together all day, but she hadn't said anything. I think she knew that something was off.

And she'd be right.

Hearing his name and then Harry questioning it took a toll on my mental health. I'd gone years pushing that name out of my brain, but suddenly he was all I could think about.

My brain was still healing, and I had made a lot of progress since the last time I saw him, but there was still a lot that I'm dealing with.

"Have you called Harry yet?" This was the first thing she'd said to me all day.

"No."

"Are you going to?" She'd stopped typing.

"Eventually."

"Charlie it's been two weeks." She turned her body to face me.

"I know, Kira. I just- I can't stop seeing his face. I can't look at Harry with his face in my head."

"I'm sorry Dustin said something. I didn't think he would." I saw her look down at her hands from the corner of my eye. I kept my focus on my screen though. I had an article due in two days.

"It's fine, you didn't know he would. I'll get over it. I'm just... trying to process. I'll get there eventually. Just like I did the first time." I stopped typing to look at her.

Her brown eyes were filled with sympathy. I hated when she looked at me like that. It's the same look she gave me for two straight years. I don't think she knew she was doing it though, so I didn't know if I could even get mad at her for it.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

I only shrugged. She was really supportive the first time around, but there wasn't anything in particular that she could do.

We'd had brunch a couple times over the last two weeks, but it didn't help. I did the dancing and the laughing and the smiling, but after our wind down and movies, his face was right back into the forefront of my brain the second Kira walked out the door.

I've even started dreaming of memories I had with him. They came every night, the next one worse than the one before. It'd gotten to the point where I was scared to sleep, knowing that he would be there if I did.

"Are you sure you want to wear that?" I fixed my shirt in the mirror, looking at him through it.

He was laying on my bed, ready to go. He had his phone in his hands, scrolling.

"I thought I did.. Does it not look good?" I stopped my hands where they had been smoothing my shirt down.

"Not really. You look like you're trying to squeeze into something too small for your body." He didn't even look at me as he said it. His eyes were kept on his phone.

"Okay... I'll change. Do you have anything you'd like me to wear?"

He got up and walked to my closet, pulling out the dress I hated the most. It was loose on my body and it made me feel like a box.

"This one is the one." He handed it to me.

"Austin, you know I hate this dress." I held it up, not really wanting to put it on.

"Just put it on, Charlotte. It hides the parts of your body no one really wants to see."

I felt a pit form in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I tried to swallow it down. He hated when I cried, especially when it was over something he said.